this human condition

Last night I laid awake for awhile staring at wierd light patterns on my wall. From the window. I heard wind whistling. I should have gotten up to close it completely, but I didn’t.

I’m… sad inside.

I don’t want to be.

I want to be calm. Or happy. I’d even settle for silly.

but right now it just feels ominous and pressing. I know that I shouldn’t be. I have plenty of things to be happy about.

Joyful even.

Blessed.

this human condition, this constant wanting for something that i don’t have. this desire to be just a little further down the path than i already am.

it’s tiring.

i wish to be free of this.

and yet…