more relief.

*major rush of sighalicious air*

Ok, so I just got in from visiting my dad.

It was worse than any peanut butter commercial. I know, that sounds weird. but I BAWL when i see peanut butter commercials. I don’t know why. It’s a hormonal thing.

Anyway, I got a little lost trying to find the parking lot, but i found it and my step mother met me at he elevator. Hospitals tend to freak me a little bit. So we go to his room. He was moved from his private room to a three person shared room. Good thing they each have their own tv’s. When I went in i was very happy to see my dad. He wasn’t attached to too many machines and my 20 year old brother was feeding him some salad. heh.

I guess they made him walk today and it really hurt. I’m glad I wasn’t there for that, but it made him really weak and he could lift the fork to his mouth. My step mother took over feeding him and i sat and talked with him for awhile. It would seem that the blood my brother tried to give earlier was not successful. My brothers body shuts down when he tries to do it so he passed out and it took awhile for them to wake him up. He was instructed to never give blood again. =( Thankfully, a nurse from that department volunteered to give the blood my father needed. I guess they needed to seperate the platelets from the plazma. I’m not sure what that means, but that’s what they did.

Anyway, I soon discovered that my dad was souped up on meds, which wore off near the end of my visit. He got some more but he had to do these coughing exercises and it was really scary. I kept staring at his drainage tube. It was full of blood. I wanted to sob so bad but I kept my composure and tried not to freak. I also couldnt’ take my eyes off of his heart monitor. It did a few weird things (like flat line for a few seconds) that freaked me out, but the nurse said it was normal and that i was probably just seeing it re-start when it flat lined. whatever. nothing seemed off with my dad, i’m just paranoid.

i gave him a kiss on the cheek when i left. i haven’t kissed my dad since… well… never. not since i was a little kid i’m sure. hahahah.

but yeah, even though he was in pain, he seemed ok. I also saw his scar on his chest. it made me want to scream. it’s just… my dad.

i can’t… put it all in my head at once.

he’s invincible.

he’s my hero.

he’s my daddy.

but god, i’m so thankful he’s going to be ok.

it just… makes me a little crazy.

i’m definitely a daddy’s girl, no matter what else is going on. i want him happy and healthy.

i dont’ want to cry even now that he can’t see me. i want to be strong for him.

the "worst" part of it will be over soon.

i’m glad i got to see him today.