ya freakin moron

God, i’m as dumb as it gets.

I am sitting here having a nice little freak out party in my head, complete with streamers and balloons. i go all out. I’m happily playing the "what if his heart doesn’t want to re-start" party game while all of my panic stricken guests are eating the lunacy in a blankets and little terrifiedcakes.

and then i go online to see how long the surgery is going to take.

and i read about how they will have to CUT OPEN HIS STERNUM and put his heart into some sort of ice liquid WHATEVER and cut open his leg for the veins they need and lets all do the hyperventilation dance.

my GOD.

i’m an idiot.

i should have NEVER LOOKED AT THAT.

now i’m even more worried.

today is taking forever.