I hate playing these damn it to hell games

my car is fixed! hooray!!!!

the hose they put on came loose, so they repaired that and i was in and out in 30 minutes. and i didn’t have to pay anything.

that was nice.

so i’m home now. i have lots of stuff to do today… but it will all get taken care of in time.

I’m going to go ahead and make a couple meals I think.

I’m anticipating when I’ll call Jeff (yeah, that’s his name. mr lover = Jeff).

Damn… I feel like I shouldn’t. But what if he is waiting for me to call. What if he thinks I don’t like him.

I HATE THESE GAMES.

I don’t play games. I despise them. I never know the right rules.

I want to scream.

I want to just… explode. I want to just tell him straight out what is going on with me…. but honestly, i think that’s what scares guys away. I’m too straight forward and honest. I don’t like hiding how I feel.

It seems that most males I am with don’t respond well to that part of my personality in the beginning. it’s a good thing later on if you’re in a relationship… but when you’re just getting to know someone, it’s just not very wise. I’ve learned this, but I still hate having to hold back a major part of who I am just so that a guy can not feel threatened.

Common sense would say, well if he feels threatened by that, then he’s not the one. But I just can’t seem to fully accept that.

whatever.

i’m thinking WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much.

and I’m really quite hungry….

I guess I should go find something to eat.

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November 17, 2003

What are you eating? Tell me. Jeff. J names are bad. TOo many of them. Sometimes I have to think really hard to come up with a boy name that doesn’t start with J. Boys suck.

maybe I will call you!

November 17, 2003

beware the j jeffs. beware j’s generally actually.

November 17, 2003

You should call just to say thank you for the other day. As cheesy as it sounds. Or you could call me and make my day a happy place.

Don’t be scured M!!!!

don’t be scared, but PLEASE be cautious. this sounds so familiar to the start of jesse…

November 17, 2003

There is some truth to what they say about J names… And for the record, I think that in the beginning, you do need to hold back a bit. It’s an awful game, but it’s also part of the fun. When I talk to Matt about the beginning of our relationship I always end up saying “Why didn’t you tell me that?!” But it makes it more fun to learn about each other’s personality bit by bit, not all up front.

November 17, 2003

I know! I can’t stand that. I’m talking to a guy right now and I’m always thinking did I say to much? Did I not say enough? Does he think I’m weird b/c of what I DID say? ARGH! I hate it too!!!! =)

November 17, 2003

Jeff? That’s such an ordinary name for the Sex God. I thought he’d be named Lascivious or Mephistopheles or something cool like that.

November 17, 2003

J’s are evil! =o) But damn… *fans self* I can understand the dilemma. *huggles* ~

November 17, 2003

thats why I like email… you can just leave it out there and give them time to write back. I’m a chicken. 🙁

November 17, 2003

wow thats all i can say about the stories- holy shit- wow

November 17, 2003

bleugh… who need rules?

November 17, 2003

I love you, does that matter?

We are so much alike it isnt even funny. I am so outgoing and bouncy dand straight forward because THAT IS ME. and it scares the crap out of guys. Especially since i like those quiet shy preppy ones…

November 19, 2003

I am always too straightforward like this too hon. I know how you feel! *hugs*