Soul Slurpee

I’m getting that feeling again. Like I’m being sucked down a hole. I get a mental picture of the way water swirls down the drain, and then the dishtowel gets stuck and the water is stopped. All it takes is for that towel to be moved and then the rest of the water gets sucked away. And it makes that gurgling sound, like a monster slurping up my soul.

That’s it… some monster is slurping up my soul. He’s having a tasty Soul Slurpee, Monique flavored. My baby, I think, is the towel that has stopped his little feast. But some of the water is getting around the edges, and going down the drain. And that bastard is really hungry.

I just feel so down today. I just feel so down. I feel like I’m not working right. I’d like to blame it all on the fact that my car is broken… but I know that I’ll eventually get that fixed. I’ll be able to pay for it, but I won’t have much money left, especially after bills. I just feel weak. I want to lay down and go to sleep. I just want to sleep for a little while. Or a long while. Whichever. I just want that blackness.

I don’t want to think about anything. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t even really wanna cuddle with my son. And I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling like I need to just melt away and hide from everything. I hate feeling like I don’t want to take care of him. Because I do. I Know I want to. But right now, I just don’t want anything.

What is wrong with me. I know it has something to do with my hormones. I want to shut that little spout off, right now. Then I can get back to feeling normal and dealing with my life like i have some sort of brain in my head.

As it is, I’m severely out of it. My soul is getting sucked up by that monster, that demon that won’t let me go. No matter what tries to stop it. No matter what.

I feel the same way most of the time. They say it gets better…

darkart

November 5, 2001

It’ll be ok and besides you’re not alone. *hugs* We’re right here with you.

Girl, I was just thinking…….Jon looks JUST like his mommy! Good thing too! Love Ris PS I got the job!!

aww *big tight hug* Ya know.. I think you can talk to your doc about post partum depression, and maybe there is something they can do. A friend of mine suffered it really badly. She had an unplanned pregnancy, and although she loves her baby, after she had the baby, it all just came crashing down on her.. and it was aided by extreme hormones.. It’s okay hunny… it’s normal. Don’t be har

on yourself, but give yourself what you need. Maybe have someone watch your little one for an afternoon, and take the time for yourself to sleep, to do whatever. Don’t ever forget to take care of yourself. And if it’s still overwhelming, talk to your doctor about it. I’ll bet there is something they can do. And remember this — it won’t last forever, and you’ll be feeling better soon.

I know it.. Hang in there sweety.. and if you need anything, you know where I am.. *hugs*

I’ve been sent here on a mission! 😉 *hug* Things may suck, but I’m sure eventually they’ll get better! *hug*

It is called D-E-P-R-E-S-S-I-O-N. I think with your car breaking down and the holidays coming up, that is enough stress to make anyone feel that way. Take a day to recoup. Maybe have someone watch the baby and just relax and regroup. hugs. Everything will work out. I know how depression goes, trust me. Aims

Everyone has their down days. Either sit on your butt and whine about it, or get up and fix it.. only you know how 🙂 drowing in a pool of self pity is the easiest way to go.. though not the most honorable.. now get up off your ass, dry your eyes, and tell yourself you’re better and stronger than that Oh, and check your email

I hope you get well, and start feeling better. It is something several of us here go through, and it’s important that we cheer each other up, i believe. Take care!

sometimes even something as “small” as not having the independence of your own working vehicle can push you downward a little. i know I definitely get depressed when my car is misbehaving. *hugs* you are loved. you are cared for. you are needed. never forget.

A New Hope

November 6, 2001

Things still hurt really bad, and I’m still confused. I don’t really know where to go, or what to do. There may be good things in my life too, but the bad things just seem to bring me down. It’s hard. Take CareBekah

gaping insecurities

November 7, 2001

i’m sending a big hug your way and hopes that you will feel better ~ 🙂 HUG

Depression sucks and wanting to sleep all the time is a sure sign of it. Ever notice how nothing hurts when you’re asleep? Sometimes it’s hard to just keep moving on but if you do this too shall pass. Try to take some time every night to do something special for yourself. That helps me sometimes. -Peace