Doormat Girl

I’ve been thinking a lot these days. It’s a surefire way to get me into trouble, I know, but whenever I’m battling my damn depression, I turn inward. And of course that results in a long cycle of thinking. The horror of it all.

I’ve realized that I’m really lonely. I don’t want to get involved in another relationship. I don’t want to get addicted to someone and then have to be ripped apart one more time. I know that I could not take it. I know that it would kill me. I know that the next time, if it ever comes, that person will have to be addicted to me. I’ll have to know I’m the reason that they breath, instead of breathing because I need them.

I admit to myself that I’m very clingy. When I get a friend, I want them to stay my friend forever. I want to take care of them and nurture them until everything that I can do has been exhausted. I want to be the friend I always wished I had. I fail a lot, but it never stops me from trying. But as I was saying, I’m a clinger. I dont’ like to lose people. As a matter of fact, that’s been my downfall.

I’ll let people abuse me and walk all over me, but I’ll still hold as tight as I can to them and allow them to hurt me. Just so I can prove that I’m loyal and good and that I’ll always be there for them. It’s a vain attempt to be a foundation for someone who might one day need me, something I always longed for. As a result, I’m always the one being discarded, I’m always left behind.

It makes me wonder what kind of person I must be. I know there is a term for it. Doormat is the first word that comes to mind. Good to wipe your feet on so you don’t soil the things you truly adore. I mean, what would the world be like if there weren’t a few doormats laying around? I guess it’d be pretty dirty and hard to keep clean.

Well, at least you admit to being a submissive person. Most girls will just whine and bitch that they always get used, and then they wonder why that happens when they’re acting completely submissive the whole time. Gotta be able to say No once in a while. Also need to know when to speak up. Most people won’t think less of you, hell, you’re a girl, you can get away with murder.

Clingy people, doormat people, need other doormat people. In all relationships there is give and take, and the only way who will give the same as you are the ones that’re like you. They’re a shrinking breed, because they get used up and abused, like you. they withdraw… *is saddened* Don’t change yourself or become hard. Look for friends and love.

It’s called a number of things.. Co-Dependant, attachment disorder, abandonment disorder.. it’s all the same thing basically.. and there’s nothing wrong with it.. it’s just hard to get through

your description of yourself reminds me exactly of myself 🙁

you are so more important than that. true, maybe a lot of people you know treated you like in the past tense, but life will change ad you will be the “finer things” to someone- or, more likely- many someones. and clingy people rock, btw. i am so a member of that club.

*sigh*.. hun.. because other people treat you like shit, makes THEM shit, not you. Have you ever seen Where the Heart IS?.. there is a line in there something like that.. and I have never forgotten it. You are the better person for not letting those people that have kicked you around turn you bitter. But please don’t turn it in on yourself either.. cause you don’t deserve that.. You’ve had to

many people treat you badly — don’t you treat yourself badly on top of it. You are a beautiful, wonderfully giving and loving soul, and any person that uses you as a doormat — well they are evil. But it doesn’t, and never will deflect from YOUR beauty. Nothing ever could. So, be proud that you are so loving, and trusting when so many out there aren’t. You’re a rare breed, my dear. And

are, and should be cherished. You are cherished by me!! =) Don’t EVER let anyone remove your shine.. okay? *hug* Believe in YOU, and know that one day, there will be someone worthy of you. It’s gonna be hard, cause you’re a bright flame to match.. but someday someone will deserve you.. until then, just flip your nose up at all of those idiots that don’t.. hehe.. or throw peanut butter

herself

November 2, 2001

girl i know what you mean exactly thats how i am im too cling.i feel to much i cry to much i am too much.i have to much body to much heart to many tears ive shed.im too ubsessed with guys.and myself im so selfish.

~thinking~ ~holds out spine~ Free of charge.

I know how you feel- I always hold on, too tight, and too long. But I don’t think that means we’re doormats! I think that just means we are extra-loving people. *hugs* I bet your baby is addicted to you! And not just because of your nutritional value… 😉

Oh dear, I was totally like this once upon a time. But will get stronger I know it. Just the fact that you can admit that you do this means that you are getting stronger. You will eventually get to the point where you can still love but you will be smarter about who you bestow this adoration on. You will wait for people who really deserve it and love you equally.