Lit. = Death of Me

I don’t think I have any trouble reading and appreciating literature. But in a slow-motion repeat of the English course I took a year ago, I’m struggling with writing about it again. What the **** is wrong with me?? I read slow and write slow, but I think plenty fast. Am I really slow and just think I’m fast because I can think and learn fairly fast? This is turning into a replay of high school all over again. Of course, why shouldn’t it? It’s not like I did anything to fix the problem then, so why would it be gone now just because I’m older? I withdrew from this Lit. course over the summer because I couldn’t write fast enough to keep up. I thought it was just a matter of too little time with working full-time and taking another course and all. But yet again I’m falling behind. I sent an email to the professor acknowledging that I’m aware of my situation. He said he noticed I am struggling and suggested trying an on-campus course that involved less writing. I refuse to give up again. That would mean I’d be making a third attempt at the same course – just like I repeated one English course three times in high school before I finaly and barely passed. Yet it’s one of my favorite subjects! I have just never been good at writing about it. I always have too little to say no matter how much I enjoy something. It’s not that I don’t think about what I’m reading. I think quite a bit about what I read – that’s just part of the process of reading. By the time I’m done reading, I’m pretty much done thinking about it. I consider everything I’ve thought about while reading part of the process of comprehending the material. So what’s there to write about? Do I have to write all that out for the sake of something to write? That’d be tedious and uninteresting to everyone involved (including whoever reads it afterwards.)

I need to get help, so I’m going to get it. This is something fundamentally wrong in my head, I’m sure it is. It’s not just Lit. courses, but they amplify the symptoms.