Shamelessly Soliciting Ideas…

So I missed another important meeting, and that was how I got elected to organize a retirement party for my Nurse Administrator, who is leaving New York State employment after 30 years or so of dedicated service.

 My first question, upon hearing of this ‘Vote of confidence’ as to my party organizing ability, was to ask if the State provides any funds for these fairwell dos. Turns out they don’t. New York State is flat broke, is sorry, wishes they could do the right thing for a long term employee, bids us better luck next year, and all that. So I’m scrounging for change under the seat cushions at work (hey, we’re all broke after Christmas, right?), and asking co-workers for ideas.

 My Treatment Team Leader, the vindictive wench who delegated this task to me, has suggested a Military theme for my Nurse Administrator, since he also served in the Reserves.

My first mental picture was of the French Foreign Legion, where they tear the buttons off your uniform and then slap you sharply across the face with gloves  ( which are, in the movies, strangely clean and white, in spite of all that North African dust). I ‘shared’ this flash with my Treatment Team Leader, who is a psychologist, and therefore, quite twisted in her own right. She laughed, but I knew I had gone too far when I said “So the facility never donates money to these retirement parties, eh? I wondered why the management types always showed up at these things, and I guess it must be for all the free food and to kill a few hours looking busy.” Turns out, she identifies quite strongly with those ‘management types’.

Go figure.

So I was blunt again. You’d think they’d be used to it by now. I can’t wait for my next ‘performance evaluation’.

I was thinking of something along the lines of honouring his years of nursing, and spray painting a bed pan gold ( he only went to administration 4 years ago…prior to that, he worked ‘in the trenches’ along with the rest of us). I also considered commemorating his ‘discharge from involuntary commitment to the psychiatric hospital’, but I do know that there are a few management types who find this sort of joking  ‘politically incorrect’….and because it implies they are the heartless, souless , evil ‘Nurse Ratched’ characters they appear to be to their underlings and the patients, in spite of all their professions to being committed to ‘quality of care’.

Believe me, I am not as blunt as that last comment suggests when I speak at my worksite, but I know they ( the management types) sense it….they’re a pretty feral bunch, and they smell out your weak spot. My Achilles Heel is my contempt for everything they stand for.

The folks on the Children’s unit ask if I will apply for the administrators job now that there’s a vacancy, because I’m a logical successor, and we’re all fearing the unknown at this point ( we’ve been through alot this year, including having the Governor say he was going to close our worksite). I may, just  for the experience of the interview process, and to suggest improvements I think are needed, but I do know I lack the ‘diplomacy’ skills needed for the job. The rest of management is heavily into bright lipstick and wearing helmet like hair styles ( where I suspect they hide their shives….not to mention their devil horns). My hair is too wild, red, and unruly, and I’d need to superglue my lips together in order to survive in that snake pit of politics and destructive one up manship.

I’d rather be the competent and indispensible thorn in their side.

Anyway, I’m looking for retirement party ideas, on the cheap side. If you have any, please feel free to ‘share’ (Adagio…I know you are the idea queen…HELP!).