Until Yesterday Begins Again Tomorrow (Edit)

I had hoped to finish my practice-blouse tonight because I had an a-ha! moment on the drive home, but my roommate is here and that would be awkward (as I’ve been sewing in the living room area). It’s not that we don’t get along well, it’s just that I don’t want to intrude on her space since she’s out there working on some sort of project as well. (I think she’s putting together kits for her class, I’m not sure.) In any case, I will continue to ruminate on the practice-blouse which is what brought on the a-ha! moment in the first place. I will also ruminate on some other sewing project ideas and maybe do some sketches or something. There are some pants I’d love to make and to practice, I think I might make Kendra a pair. She’s the perfect size for practicing a technique!

So I don’t have any more pictures of my sewing or crafts, but I do have some bento pictures from this past week. First though, the noodle-y bento from last week that everyone seemed to adore was teriyaki yakisoba noodles with tofu and snap peas. (Or snow peas, I’m not entirely sure of the difference, if there is one.) It was okay, but not good at room temperature. I heated up the other half for dinner later in the week and it was much better warm. I bought more yakisoba noodles and tofu to make more. The peas at the store were not appetizing though, so I’ll have to find something else to toss in with them whenever I decide to make it (probably lunch or dinner sometime this weekend).

Monday I ate out because I woke up late (which is totally the story of my life it seems – and even though bento takes as long as I have in the morning to make it, I had -15 minutes, so no bento). I had a Qdoba taco salad instead, and earned more points to getting my next free entree since they’ve got their double points day every day going on now through labor day.

Tuesday, my batteries on my camera died. So I had to take pictures with my camera phone before heading out the door.

The turmeric-laden onigiri are much better with soy sauce. But next time I want yellow rice, I’ll just use less turmeric. Also, cheese cubes and plain onigiri on a bed of spinach.

I don’t know if it’s obvious, but at this point I was out of most fruits and veggies. I had some mushrooms and olives and blueberries, but this was possibly the most boring bento ever.

Wednesday was another taco salad from Qdoba. I’m horrible, I know. I had intended to stop by this farmer’s market stand thing on my way home from work which has a sign that says it’s open Wednesday and Saturday, but evidently they close before I get off work as they weren’t open when I drove past. I went to the grocery store by my house instead. And I bought the hell out of the produce section.

Onigiri with mushroom flavored seaweed paste (I know that sounds wretched, but it’s really pretty good), quartered cucumber slices, tomato and rainier cherries on a bed of spinach.

Triscuits with homemade guacamole (just half of an avocado mashed up, with some salt, garlic powder and cumin added), and watermelon balls and green grapes.

Plain onigiri, tomatoes, cucumbers and cherries on a bed of spinach. The onigiri aren’t regular-sized ones, though. It provides kind of a cool optical illusion though since it makes the tomatoes and cucumbers look HUGE.

The other half of the avocado mashed up into guacamole with salt and cumin. I decided against the garlic powder this time. The triscuits were an olive oil rosemary flavor. It was delicious. Watermelon balls, green grapes and the last of the blueberries.

For a few weeks I’ve managed to forego breakfast in the mornings or just eat little nibbles of whatever I’m putting in my bento. I didn’t realize it and it certainly wasn’t a conscious decision to forego breakfast, but I did make the conscious decision to start having breakfast (something of some substance at least) going forward. Yesterday and today I packed myself a thing full of fruit (watermelon balls, grapes and cherries) and it was great. I think it helps to boost my metabolism a little since I ate like a total pig yesterday (seriously – I’m not even going to list everything) but I didn’t seem to gain anything. That might also be attributable to the fact that I jogged in place for a few minutes yesterday before going to bed. I think my new plan is to stuff myself silly (okay, not really – just to satiate my hunger) with a variety of nutrient-dense food (veggies, fruits, etc) and just exercise a little bit more each day. So yesterday I did 5 minutes of jogging, today I’ll do 6. Or something like that. Start out small, work my way up since I seem to loathe it so much. We’ll see how that works out for me for a few weeks. I should also pick up more green tea next time I’m at the store. Not that I think it’s a secret weight-loss thing – it just has a lot of antioxidants and less caffeine than black tea.

Since I won’t be sewing, I think I’ll think about sewing (as mentioned earlier) and try to work on Dev’s altered book. I’ve got a few ideas rattling around, but I’m not sure how to put them into the book yet. Tevara mentioned she’d like to see some of my art/crafts and she was intrigued by the whole altered book idea, so I think I might do that so I have something to show her. (Dev, let me know if you’d rather I didn’t.)

This weekend is busy – tomorrow I’ve got the book club meeting (and Drew, the organizer) will most likely not be there, which makes me the de facto leader of the meeting and I’m not sureif I’m comfortable with that, but we’ll see how it goes. Then I’ve got an appointment to donate blood and after that I’d like to go get my hair cut. After that I’ll hang out at home for a bit and then hopefully go catch Ryan’s show. He’s a co-worker and playing at a coffee house up in Boulder tomorrow night. He’s a pretty good musician. I’ve been wanting to go to one of his shows for awhile, but I haven’t made it to one yet. Tomorrow night should be a good time to go, unless I get all sorts of lazy and nervous about doing something new by myself (which is exactly like me) and then don’t go. We’ll see how it pans out. Sunday, of course, is my first day on the job at Michaels. That should be interesting. I realized, too, that if I do work both days on the weekends, that means 7 bentos a week (okay, more like 5 or 6 given my propensity for Qdoba). That should be fun.

Disappointment Edit

The morning started off well. I woke up leisurely, finished reading the book for the book club meeting, showered, got ready and headed out. I was thinking no one would show up, but Megan (Drew’s cousin) did and then two others, so it was a decent turn out. No one else had finished the book though, so that was kind of disappointing as this was a book I really wanted to discuss (the others really weren’t). Megan was pretty nice and seemed like friend material, though I’m not too sure about that. Angela seemed really nice and friendly too, except she lives in Denver and we’re at different life stages. Anyway, I left feeling good about it and feeling rather gregarious.

Unfortunately, I had no one to hang out with so that was disappointing. I figured I’d go drop off the chemical waste that my Car Kit has become at the Hazardous Materials drop off in Boulder. Turns out they close at noon on Saturdays. Disappointment number two! And three, because I wasted a gallon of gas going to and from the drop off place. But I was going to give blood later and get my hair cut and that would make the whole day productive so I shrugged it off.

Except my hematocrit was too low today, so I couldn’t give blood. I was really upset when the guy told me I wouldn’t be able to donate today. I didn’t show it, I don’t think, but when I got to my car the tears started flowing. The whole drive home I felt like a wreck. A foolish wreck, but one nonetheless. I felt ridiculous because who gets so upset about not being able to give blood? It’s not like I tested positive for HIV and can’t EVER give blood again or anything, I just have to wait a few days and try again. But I’m bawling over here because I’m really upset about this. I was trying to figure out why on the way home and that was when I realized that my day wasn’t going as planned. I can usually roll with the punches, but it can really hit me hard when things don’t go as planned. I figured that was most of it.

But I realized there was a feeling under the disappointment, a small steady current of shame, feeling like I had disappointed someone else. A large part of me still associates donating blood with honoring my Grandma, to do something in line with the spirit of selflessness and volunteerism that seemed to define her life. It probably sounds unreasonable and silly, but I completely feel like I’ve let her down.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything worse than feeling like a disappointment to her. I know she wouldn’t view it that way, not at all. It doesn’t change the fact that I still feel that way, though.

I obviously decided against getting my hair cut after my donation appointment. I might venture out to get it cut later, but I don’t feel up to the task right now. I’m not sure if I’ll go to Ryan’s show or not. I wasn’t sure yesterday, even though I was trying to talk myself into it, because I should go, but now I’m even less sure. Maybe after coddling myself for a few hours I’ll be up for it. We’ll see. For now, though, well… bleah.