Me Explorer

August 6, 2006

Suffocating little edit thing

A feeling I have right now.
It surprises me.
Tonight I will have to go sit outside somewhere for a while with a pad and a pen.
Powerlessness? Maybe. I’m no control freak, but too many areas in which I feel I make little or no difference seem to be making me feel acutely unable to breathe.
I need a mini retreat in each day, and I will take it. Tomorrow is a meeting. I need more of those than I’ve been getting.
It’s funny, really. It’s almost the mirror image of something I read just a little while ago in an email. How much each of us needs to be free to do as we must for ourselves. How, over such broad distances, have we allowed that not to be so?
I was thinking this morning of a certain role I see myself performing in a certain area.
I am thinking this morning that maybe I am way too big for my own britches.
All I can ever truly pray for, with any certainty of my prayer being answered, is “Thy will, not mine, be done.” My will is useless, really.
All I can actually do most of the time is to accept things as they come, as I find them.
Well. Okay.
Tonight, a pad of paper, a pen, a river and me.
Releasing any preconceived ideas.
Releasing love.
Releasing knots.

Breathing. Because as the song says (I remember when I was told to listen to it, as though it was yesterday), “Just breathe.”

*Little edit thing* It’s about me, not about anyone else.

ThomaS

August 7, 2006

Yes, if you want to see God laugh, just let Him know what your plans are for later

scarletisis

I so know how you feel!! Hugs sweets!!!

XistDense

I am very familiar with that ‘rock on the chest’ feeling. Sending lightness and light.

Robin W

I identify with the suffocating thing. Longing for one whole day to myself! Hugs,

to breathe. my favorite verb, I think (which is why my diary title is “Just breathing…”

I sometimes feel suffocated by the burden of me. I’m not sure if that’s what you meant, but it’s how I identified. This too shall pass (thank God!). Much love,

As in lyrics of ‘Breathe’ like Faith Hill sings? or ‘Just Breathe’ as in Kenny Loggins? Either or both are great 🙂 I know it doesn’t feel good, but this is very good. Keep going and being and becoming, Cathy. You make a wonderful difference to me. You are making a wonderful differece for you. And that will clear the feelings of spinning your wheels in other areas or lives. One more thing,and I’ll hush for a bit. Your will is not useless. The AA literature and other ways remind us that the proper use of our will is to align it with that Power greater than ourselves. Your spiritually awakened/awakening will is a blessed and beautiful will power. That’s one big thing that this being true to yourself, including more space for you and better meeting your first things first needs will empower, the proper use of your will power aligned with the Power greater than ourselves and your soul true self. You’re maturing as a soul and spirit and human 🙂 Take care, gorgeous Lioness XOX

PS Sometimes I want to breathe in more .. but have to force myself to exhale first, so that there’s room for all the inspiration I desire 🙂 Love,

redmoonrising

i understand suffocating, isnt that when you try to please everyone you love? when everyone you love wants a piece of you for something? when you cease to exist for yourself? take care of you. oh by the way can you do me a favor? jokingggggggggggggggggggggg xox

BelanaTorres

I love the way you write down things that I think about in the same way. Thanks. I kind of feel better now. 🙂 Love, Sophie

Nenla

I hope the river helps you breathe.

-b-

Maybe you’re just having the colly-wobbles, as we say over here. Translation- a temporary stage fright. Deep breaths, go forth, do your thing. Big Hugs

cyanide

*hugs*

oh. maybe that’s why I’m going wrong. I still pray “thy will be done” and then still hope that it is mine. How silly of me not to realize before. Sometimes breathing is the only thing we can do… because our body just keeps doing it, even when we would rather it didn’t. Sending you hugs.

MageB

Yes, and if you smile, your brain releases positive endorphins. Hugs too….

The Rickster

Yes, breathing is very good. 🙂

~Dreamer

Yes, it sounds some some ‘You’ time is required, just make sure you get it. Gentle hugs and love, Bren.

Woman of many hats..

suffocating is a good word – a bad thing but a good word. *hug*

Note for you at MR. A goodnight kiss. Peaceful sleep 🙂

gilraent

FallingDog

So hard to accept that powerlessness without feeling helpless. Sometimes, power feels like an illusion; sometimes it’s real. Funny, that.

Nice to have a river to go to. Water is always soothing.

cajun_rainbows

August 8, 2006

AloneAtLast

What FD said.

i just now saw this edit It’s about me, not about anyone else *sits resisting urge to snag that for my diary title!!!* i am often having to sit at lizzielu’s resisting the same urge!