The H word

Hiccups. That’s the word. That’s the phenomenon that has had an odd power over me since at least the age of six. I have no idea why. Okay, maybe I do; read on.

I used to get a sort of weird response to seeing other people have them. I used to get a bizarre response (very angry, embarrassed, horrified) to getting them myself.

Thanks to the WWW I have discovered that with hiccups, as with I suppose most other things in life, some are sicker than others. Having done far too much research on the topic, I have worked through my whole hiccups thing. Which is good, as soon I shall be having them, most likely, fairly frequently; and willingly. Which is quite strange.

I think part of the mingled fascination and horror I have had about them was put well by my anam cara at an early stage of getting to know each other: it is the uncontrollableness of them. Now, I am fortunate in being the sort of person who can just drink some water and be cured. This is good. I expect I shall need to ensure a constantly present supply of water as I attempt to quit smoking the next time I do attempt to quit smoking.

See, the nicotine patch doesn’t cause me to have hiccups. It does give me weird vivid dreams; complex, Grand Guignol dreams that are actually not very revealing in terms of inner truths or anything as they tend to occur at a level of detail more like waking life than anything that needs to be interpreted or involving wondrous symbology or imagery. And once I come to the bitter end of 10 weeks of decreasing nicotine levels, I’m left on my own. This is not a good thing. I figure I was exposed to nicotine before I was conceived as all the adults in my family smoked cigarettes. Anyway …

I figure that more helpful would be nicotine gum or lozenges, which I could take as needed to take care of incredibly strong withdrawal as needed. Both forms of nicotine ingestion, however … yeah, you got it … cause me to get hiccups. So before I dare take those in any situation in which there are other people within 50 feet of my easily embarrassed self, I am going to do a home test with gum/lozenge and water. If it works, I will proceed.

Otherwise, there is the dreaded Cold Turkey method. I expect to have a nervous breakdown if I try that. I could always try an onslaught of techniques: patch, backup lozenges (with water), hypnotism, acupuncture/pressure, massage (yes please), water water water (with or without the hiccups motivation, quitting smoking programs always mention water water water).

A couple of my absolute favorite diarists get hiccups, so at least I know I will be in good company if I should find myself prone to getting them during my quitting period.

There you are; not as indepth as I originally intended to write, but enough on a topic that has been a mystery and a frustration to people for a long, long time now. If you too have any such weird obsession on a particular subject, I recommend Google. I officially declare my Thing About Hiccups hereby released into the stratosphere. Thank you for your attention in this matter.

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