Selfish stuff

Really. I am 44. 13 years ago this afternoon, at 5:43 p.m. as a matter of fact, from my body was brought a girl baby. What is today about then? It is M’s entry into teenhood, right? Yes, right. Below, see her mother’s ramblings from last night. It’s this whole sexual awakening/second adolescence thing; yeah, that’s the ticket. Oh … just so you know, and feel due sympathy for the males sharing this apartment if you are so inclined: At the moment, she is early in her menstrual career; I am in perimenopause, described as “the other end of adolescence” by my lovely GYN, Dr. Wooooooooooooooooooo. Our cycles occur at the same time. To E and N I say: Be afraid; be very afraid! Okay … the ramblings.

It is supposed to still be about this person to whom I gave birth 13 years ago. There is this person living in this apartment with me who is part of me; who has all my love; who it seems lately I hardly even know.

So yes, it is all about her, and how she is now a teenager, and whether on her birthday she should scent herself with vanilla or sweet pea; how she should dress, and which purse (!) to wear.

I have a couple of other things to do this Monday. At 5:43 p.m., though, I will remember the loud arriving cries as my firstborn was brought, through that oh so carefully placed incision, into the world. Hearing her lusty wails as I lay, anesthetized but awake, arms strapped out to the sides. She is magnificent and strong, honorable and honest and loyal. She can patiently sit for hours to have her hair or nails done. She can whine and cry because we won’t give her McDonald’s for dinner. She is other from me; she is my blood, my daughter, my legacy.

Dear world: Watch out. You ain’t seen nothing yet.

~~~~~~~~~~

In ephemera

After
when the tending and attending
has ended
until it wakes up with us
in the morning
relentlessly insistent
it throbs in the dark and secret hours

I claim these items
declare them needs
desires so imperative as to scream
silently within but where then
does satisfaction lie
if not with me here

Move in the direction of
sustenance
ahead of the wolves
where yearning is aboveboard
for we know where life awaits our presence
climbing down off the blocks
the time is coming

See the image of my need
take me in and tuck me
inside your shoulder
lullabye heartbeat carry me away
in a dinghy of dedicated dreams
to arms that will protect me
from indentured despair

Woman of many hats..

March 29, 2004

Armiel

Happy Birthday to your girl! I can only imagine the feelings you are going through. I was a mess on M’s first day of school; I can’t imagine how I’ll be once he reaches adolescence (probably more basketcase than not!) 😉 *hugs*

beingmeisbest

Nice entry! I remember the day that I first saw my daughter. And, I remember hearing a song on the radio that so reminded me of her, “Isn’t she lovely” . Simply because my daughter was and is sooo beautiful. So I guess I might know how you feel today. So,it’s happy birthday to the two of you. As, anyone knows, we do begin a new life, the day each child is born into this world.

I am soooo lucky to have the most beautiful daughter in the world, yikes, some things do go right in my world. And, goes without saying my sons too. I hear many people talk about their children, sometimes in negative ways. Today, reading your entry, brings good memories. Very lucky to be blessed with one of the best! Happy for you, sounds like you have a winner too. Peace from

Some other beautiful children have come into my life last year & WOW, this was so unexpected & so welcomed. Children make me smile, and make me remember that no matter what’s on the front page of the newspaper, I’m right exactly where I am supposed to be. Here, in front of them, guiding them, walking beside them, letting them know that they are nothing less than miracles ! smiles from Rain

Great entry. I am sure you are so very proud of her. It’s like having a mini-me right now. Enjoy every precious moment.

What a lovely entry about the mother-to-daughter love-thing… the ending thought before the whitter made me laugh! Happy birthday to your girlie!

Also, I love the word “ephemera”…

Starr418

Happy Birthday.. I am not looking fwd to the teenage years with gavynn..lol I am gonna have to beat the girls off of him with a stick.

Lovely words, as usual… Wow, you had a c-section too? So did I, with my first. Funny, your doctor’s name is Dr. Woo….mine was Dr. Chow! Hm! Happy birthday to your daughter AND to YOU today! 13 Years ago today you fell completely in love and experienced the most bittersweet change possible! My daughter is 10 today, so I’m ruminating about some of what you said…only…13 frightens me.

ryn: Gat’s writing over on ITW again – can you still log in over there? He’ll be writing here again soon.

Oops, I mean he’s writing here again, but will be accepting notes again soon.

courtney

Happy birthday to your daughter. 🙂 13 is always…..interesting.

Zenith

Happy Birthday M! Interesting years ahead!

MageB

Happy birthday to your first born……and I hope you survive these upcoming years. My thoughts are with you.

The Rickster

Happy Birthday to your daughter. 🙂

I believe you, 44 is fantastic. Life is a riot after 45 and you can throw away all your clothes to refashion the image. No more pretending to be grown up, we are grown up ;)Mumsy image is out, give the kids a shock, rebel against sugar popsicles, smoke a Havana and click your heels. Sweet dreams & hugs

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO M : ) And Good Job! to Mom : )