Needful things

My horoscope for today:

Dear Me Explorer,
You are quite likely to enjoy the change in the rhythm and quality of life that is beginning right now, Me Explorer. Don’t you feel a need to take your friendships beyond the superficial level? Perhaps you should re-establish contact with some friends from the past, as well. After such a lengthy hiatus, you may find that you have some bonds to repair. In any case, you can expect another month devoted to sweeping the cobwebs out of your emotional universe in order to let in sunlight and promise.

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Rigorous honesty. No self-pity. Courage! In reflecting over a relatively recent period of turbulence and chaos in my life, a period that is still being recovered from by some of those caught up in it, I see that once again I allowed fear to dictate my (really poor) choices. I didn’t allow my right hand to know what my left hand was doing, and I kept my left hand in similar ignorance about what my right hand was up to. I am not doing that now, but what is dawning on me is how easy it was for me to behave like a person on what we in AA call a dry drunk. For about a year. I’m very grateful it was a dry drunk as picking up a drink or any recreational drug is the same thing as committing suicide, and I do know that life is precious, and it is a learning opportunity of immense proportions. The reason I haven’t let go as much as I need to (all of this ended more than a year ago mind you) is that more needed to be revealed to me about what went on back then. And it is; my retreat enabled me to go through some stuff to get to where I see more areas in which I need to do some significant work. Here’s a whitter. It is just an expression of a certain mood I get into; rather an unproductive and unhelpful mood, but hey; it’s a mood, I’ll just let it be. Thanks to Stephen King for the title of this entry.

A certain gentility

Invisibility
so absolute in its manifestation
clearing out
feel good about the choices you have made
see the comfort you have built
while in a puff the questions
vanish
one by one by one

Silence
thinking past the momentary joy
of there you are and here you’ll be
if I say nothing
cloaked in cushioned quiet
at least your unmistaken music
will sing while in a single strike
of a single chime
all doubts evaporate

No scent
in its absence no reaction
the alleviation of headaches
nightmares fly harmlessly dissipated
away
like gentle streams clearly trickling
the worries and problems simply
roll into oblivion