To my soul

Where have you been all my life?

I lost you before I knew you; before I had you, you had hidden from me, from them, from the hurt.

Without you I couldn’t live this life; the world was scary, too scary, and I hid from it. I hid in the TV, in books, in fantasy. I hid in my bottle until I nearly managed to permanently escape this world.

But then God/dess (for mine is indeed so awesome as to encompass all of that and so much more) got a message through to me. A message that said “I love you. I am indeed great and powerful. I have created mountains and valleys; I have created life in all its magnificence. You matter to Me, and I will send you restoration if you stay the course I have set for you.” A message received on a sad day in the midst of treatment for the bottles and the powder through which I had so desperately sought my way out.

You have returned to me; in fits and starts, both of us timid and unsure. First you whispered of humanness; of forgiveness. Then you led me to try to stand still and be loved. You took care of me through my pregnancies, through our miraculous births. You cried and looked confusedly with me and snuggled those tender young lives to our breasts.

You have been dutiful and consistent as our connection to God/dess. You have grown and flourished until the time came when, restored, whole, you finally opened fully within me and demanded (not cruelly but with absolute clarity) to be free.

Now we are one, and we travel as a compleat being. I no longer stand yearning as I sigh in admiration of people for being who they are, wondering and awed by the myriad shapes and forms of humanity.

I am restored to wholeness. And I live my remaining days in full and rich life, experienced in all our dimensions, with all my senses and even (sometimes) a little bit of sense.

I am indeed a blessed being.