Who Needs Sleep?

Sleep tonight just does not seem to be happening for me. Not least because I had three or four Cokes with dinner. Add to that the torrent of thoughts running through my mind about my upcoming trip, and it’s no wonder that I’ve had trouble falling asleep all week. it also doesn’t help that Alan has this way of breathing when he’s asleep that’s almost as loud as snoring and much more annoying. It’s this tiny inhalation followed by this huge, shuddering gust of an exhalation out of all proportion with the amount of air he could have possibly just taken into his lungs.

And he has this habit of facing me when he sleeps so that this hurricane of breathing is in my ear or on my neck or worse, in my face. There’s nothing quite like being breathed on to make me want to put my pillow over his face.

I also like to be the big spoon and I never get to because as soon as he starts falling asleep he starts tossing and ends up rolling over to face me so that I have to turn away. Rawr!

I’m nervous about my trip too. I have a layover in Atlanta and I have this fear that they’re going to lose my luggage. Not a big deal normally… just buy a spare toothbrush and couple pairs of undies and t-shirts to get you through the couple days it takes them to get it to you. But I’m getting on a boat the very next day. Not a good time to lose luggage, yeah? I am planning on bringing a change of clothes, my swimsuit, and my contact stuff and glasses in a carry-on, just in case. But it’s really not enough to assuage my traveling paranoia. I don’t travel often and I certainly don’t travel well and this will be the first time I’m flying in several years and the first time I’ll ever be flying by myself. If I hadn’t had a credit from Delta that my mom transferred to me, I might have taken the train or even the bus, just to avoid flying. At least then I’m responsible for my own luggage. I guess I just don’t trust them not to fuck it up.

I’m also not happy about getting on a plane in the current fearful climate. I’m not too concerned about the security here, but Atlanta is a major airport and common layover destination. It’s also where almost every soldier stops on his or her way back to their duty station from overseas. I’ll also be getting on a second plane headed to the great megalopolis from whence I hail. Despite the lack of any kind of specific threat as a result of bin Laden’s death, security has definitely tightened around the bases here, so I can only imagine what New York must be dealing with. I’m just glad I’ll be coming and going from Bradley. It’s more of a residual paranoia there.

Speaking of Osama bin Laden, I have to say I have mixed feelings on the subject. I would wish that he could have been captured and brought to trial for his crimes, but at the same time, I recognize that his brand of zealotry would never have permitted it. The reports are now that he was unarmed when he was killed, but that he still resisted capture. And the man’s been seriously ill for a while, which is probably how we managed to find him after all this time. He needed to be close to medical treatment, caves not being known for their life support capabilities. Frankly, he had nothing to lose. Dying of natural causes is very nice and all, but it wouldn’t have furthered his agenda. Killed by Americans actually works out well for him.

Still, I will brave the censure of my peers and say that no death should be celebrated in the streets. Did we not find it repugnant when we saw Muslim fanatics celebrating the deaths of so many Americans? What makes it any more acceptable in ourselves? A friend of mine, Samantha, has expressed much the same thoughts and has gotten quite a bit of backlash from it. One girl asked if she would feel the same way if her husband and daughter had been in the towers. It’s been 10 years. And a major part of moving on with your life is finding a way to forgive. Being from Norwalk and so close to Manhattan, it was incredibly personal when the Towers were hit. Many of my friends had parents who worked in the city, some very close or even in World Trade Plaza. My father ran a Scouting program in Norwalk for years and years and some of the teenagers who had sailed with him and babysat for me had started careers in New York. One former Scout actually worked in the Towers. He just happened to be working from home that day. Sheer luck. So when I see people in Cow-Pie, Wisconsin cheering over someone’s death and celebrating that we finally got justice for the attack on our country, it rankles a bit. I was at UConn at the time and it was really close to home for a lot of us because so many of us did come towns that sent parents to Manhattan for work everyday. It’s scary to be checking in with parents and friends, hoping no one you know was involved. Alan could see the smoke from the Towers standing on the beach in Rowayton.

Okay, talking about 9/11? Probably not the most restful subject I could have chosen.

I had an interview on Tuesday morning with the Bright Horizons at USAA. Talking with the director on the phone, I was a little wary. She was rather short and snappish. In person, she was much nicer and we got into a bit of small-world syndrome when I found out she was from Ames, Iowa and went to the same university my cousins had. She was also well acquainted with Fairfield, Iowa, where my aunt lived for most of my childhood and which is a major center of transcendental meditation in the US. I also spent some time in the PreK room and the infant room, which was actually the position I was interviewing for. I made quite an admired in the infant room and he was most unhappy that I had to go. I think the only thing holding me back there would be getting the Colorado certification. Being a rough and ready western state, they think that no one else’s standards are as good as theirs, even when other standards are quite a bit better. Anyway. She did say that if they found any fault with the credentials I had, I could always come on as a substitute while I took care of any required classes.

Today I went on a bit of a cleaning spree. I finally took care of the junk mail that had piled up on the dining room table. I also dusted the corner shelves, washed all the glassware that was there and polished the silver tea service that Buffy gave us for our wedding. It was my great-grandmother Taylor’s and I’ve always admired her a great deal. I also scrubbed the bathtub and shower. I usually just give it a cursory wipe-down because the process with the stronger cleaner is a lot more involved, with the spraying and the scrubbing and the rinsing. It works a lot better though. While I’m gone, Alan has promised to re-caulk the bathtub because whoever did it the two times previously clearly sucked at it. I think we may also be staining the dining room set sometime soon. I saw a couple with the same Ikea set on HGTV and they stained it a really nice dark brownish black. It look beautiful, especially considering that the table and four chairs has never cost more than $129. We only paid $99.

It’s almost 2 AM now. I’ve read quite a bit more than I intended of Great Expectations if I want it to last me until Friday night. I have less than 80 pages left. Knowing how Dickens likes to wrap things up, if not happily, at least so that one’s curiosity is satisfied, I was expecting the revelation that Molly (Jagger’s housekeeper) was Estella’s mother from almost as soon as she appears. I think I may go with Bleak House if I read anymore Dickens soon. I’ve heard that it’s a bit more labyrinthine, more like Little Dorrit, which I loved. Once I’ve finished with Pip’s adventures, I’m reading Jane Eyre and then Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day, which is very hard to find, even though it was recently made into a movie.

You know, I’m tempted to just screw being a teacher and do something completely random like work in the liquor store down the street.

~Liz