Another Disappointment

Well, another month without any success on the pregnancy front. The logical, rational part of my brain knows that it can take even the healthiest couples up to a year to conceive. It also tells me that even with tracking my basal body temperature and using ovulation predictor kits, there’s only a 20% chance of us getting pregnant any given month. Those facts do not prevent the emotional, irrational, and slightly hysterical side of my brain from thinking that there’s something wrong with us that’s preventing us from conceiving. It’s been five months, and it’s getting kind of depressing.

To make matters worse, Alan has field training exercises (FTX) for at least a week every month from now until the end of June. He’s supposed to leave Monday for the first one (although it may be delayed), and he won’t be back until the exact day that I’m most fertile. I’ll keep using the OPK, just to be sure, but imagine my frustration if I get a positive LH surge a few days before he comes back. And then in March it would fall right in the middle of the two-week FTX, so we wouldn’t even have a chance until April. And he’s in the field for most of May.

I just find it really upsetting that this seems to be so difficult for us when it seems like half the girls on post have more children than they know what to do with or are too young to know what they’re doing. They literally got married right out of high school before their husbands left for Basic Training and were somehow instantly pregnant. We took things slowly and waited until we were ready and now nothing. I see these girls still enmeshed in high-school style drama, barely more than children themselves with one not even walking and another on the way. It’s not fucking fair!

::sigh:: It just really isn’t fair. And I know I’d be a great mom. I want to be a mom. I’m actually ready to be a mom. How many of the brats around here can say that? They got pregnant because it was convenient, because they knew that the Army would be pay for everything, so they wouldn’t have to worry. Or because they’re idiot teenagers who can’t be bothered to use birth control.

I’m just frustrated beyond belief by all this disappointment. I’m afraid it’ll never happen for us.

~Liz