Terrified

I sit here at my computer, the 2010 Children’s Writer’s & Illustrator’s Market staring accusingly up at me from its seemingly benign blue and brown cover. That stupid book terrifies me. I’ve promised myself that I will submit my Karma book this year, but I can barely get more than a few pages into the guide before I get the shakes.

Sometimes I feel like it’s all too big, too much, too complicated. That what I write, what I draw, what I am, just isn’t good enough. I’m petrified of all the judgment that I’m letting myself in for. Not just the judgment of editors and publishers, but the judgment of other writers. I know that what I need to do is to get involved in writing groups, but the thought is paralyzing. I have this image in my head of writers as these lofty beings who have read and seen and done so much more than me, and I just can’t measure up. I feel hopelessly sheltered and naive compared to that image.

And yet I know that I’m not! Especially when it comes to writing for kids… God! I’ve been working with kids for years and I know what they like to read and what they like to look at. I read kids’ books. I read young adult books. I read classics, fantasy, chick lit, literature, satire, history, biography… I read EVERYTHING I can get my hands on. And I know that what I’ve written is original and appealing to kids.

But still I’m scared that I won’t even get past the first read. I visit writers’ groups’ sites and see so much that I don’t know and I feel so unprepared. I’m scared that I’ll pour everything into this and fail miserably and dramatically. And yet, the biggest part of me is more terrified of the people associated with writing and illustrating than of the rejection. I guess I’m afraid of looking foolish. My biggest fear. A major part of me just wants to take the chance. Skip all the getting involved and bullshit and make a list of publishers that take unsolicited manuscripts and send it out. Hope that what I’ve done will at least get it in the front door so I can at least get some decent feedback.

I’m just so scared to pin my hopes on this and fail. It’s so much easier and more comfortable not to try at all.

~Liz

Don’t let the book scare you. You’ll do fine. Put the book away. Write your book. THEN look into that book to get your addresses and fax numbers and information on how to send it to the publishers. Relax. This is not a perfect world and you just be you and do what makes you happy. If you keep it up and keep o n going …your book will be published and that book will not be so frightening.

l'amour

January 5, 2011

I know how you feel, about not wanting to risk it and then fail. Not knowing can be so much more comfortable. But you gotta do it. You have to. Not knowing will eat at you, eat at your soul. I say skip all the bull**** and send it to publishers. I didn’t even KNOW there was bull**** to go through. And f*ck other “writers” who have an issue. They had to start at the bottom too and need to remember

that, if they don’t. I would hope they would remember what it was like first starting out, and would be kind. Writers aren’t lofty, I don’t believe, in my opinion. They’re just trying to make a dream, a passion, come true, just like you, and working as hard as they can to do it. Go for it love. After all, what do you REALLY have to lose? *FIERCE FIERCE FIERCE FIERCE LOVING LOVING LOVING HUGS*

Blessed Unicorn

What I say to myself when I get terrified like that is, “Well… what’s REALLY the worst that can happen?” In this case, rejection. But then you’ll be right back where you started – without the book being published, and you can go on knowing that at the very least you TRIED. *huge hugs* That doesn’t always work for me, but that’s what I try. ~*Stephanie*~

delicious ambiguity

I definitely understand what you’re saying, but: SUBMIT! You will regret not doing it.