Free Your Mind

Question 2 – Which is worse, failing or never trying?

I know what the answer should be. The conclusion I’m supposed to come to is that it’s worse to never try at all than to try and fail. But it’s painfully hard for me to fail and so I rarely try. Of course, that’s not to say I don’t do anything that other people might consider impressive or even ambitious. But those things aren’t risks for me. It should probably be said that I’m good at a lot of things and very rarely have I had to put much effort into being good. In the public school system I grew up in, the grade received was based on results, but also on effort. So you could get a B1, which meant that your scores had only been in the B range, but the teacher had seen that you were obviously trying hard for those scores and maybe that you’d shown improvement since the previous quarter. I swear I must have been the only person to ever get an A3. High grade, no effort. I don’t even remember what class it was, but if I had to guess it was more than likely Latin. Things just come easily to me. That’s probably part of the problem. I tend to write things off if I’m not good at them right away because I’m used to being good at things. So if I put a lot of effort into something and still fail, it hurts all the more because I’m not used to failing and because it just seems so unfair to fail when I’ve put all that effort in (I’ve always been very big on fairness). So I don’t try. I do things that I’m really pretty good at and the new things I do try are generally those that I suspect I’ll be good at based on abilities in related areas. Although I had never really done any sewing or learned how beyond the basics of a 7th grade home-ec class, I thought I could do it based on my facility with art and a way of puzzling out how things are built and fit together. There are a few things that I’d really like to pursue despite having had no real indication that I’m all that good at it, like archery or rock climbing, but for the most part, I tend to remain in the bubble of my native talents.

And I know that I should try to step out of my comfort zone, but my comfort zone is pretty wide.

I think the thing I fear most about failure is other people seeing me fail. I hate feeling foolish and humiliated, and so the things I don’t try, the things outside my comfort zone, are all relating to rejection and humiliation. It’s hard for me to put myself out there and risk being rejected on my merits, especially when I think I’m really a good person. I think I fear that other people won’t see that. That they’ll think I’m too young (most people think I’m a lot younger than I am), naive, inexperienced, what have you. I’m shy and some people see it as snobbishness. So I guess I worry that people won’t see all my good qualities because they’re hidden behind what I look like.

Maybe a better answer is that I don’t fear failing, but I do fear other people seeing me fail. I hate to be laughed at, especially when I’m being serious. I can still remember my parents laughing at me at times. I know it sounds stupid, but I have an excellent memory, and those little stings stand out. So for me, failing really does seem a lot worse than never trying.

~Liz