Failing But Not Ready To Give Up Yet

If you’d like to read about he Dru Sjodin case this is the link to the articles in the local newspaper

I can not believe that I am sitting here at this time of the day. It is just before 8 AM. I am so tired and I want to crawl back under my blanket and go to sleep. I can not do that though because I agreed to chaperone a field trip for Alexa’s class to Market Place for Kids.

I knew that I agreed to chaperone this field trip before I stayed out until after 2 AM drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes like they were going out of style. If I didn’t know any better I would think that I am hung over. Yuck! But that is what I get for being…what…defiant.

I went to play bingo and did not feel like coming home. I am still po’ed at Dick. Hell when am I not mad at him! I am just so tired of his little comments that I could choke him. If he has something to say I wish that he would just say it rather than throwing little digs at me. I pull not punches when I have something to say I say it and I really have no boundaries.

I really need to focus on our relationship. I am not the cheating kind but I refuse to be stuck in this so-called relationship. It is not healthy and it is not healthy for the kids either. I am sure that they know that we don’t speak to one another. But then again maybe they don’t even realize it because it has been happening for so long that it has become the norm. Although we do not argue in front of them (or at all) either. We live our life (each of us) together with the kids. I am sitting between a rock and a hard place right now. I don’t want to continue our relationship the way that it is right now yet I am not willing to give up just yet. We may not be married but we have common commitments ~ kids and a house.

I tried to talk to him last night (this morning) when I got home but of course he wouldn’t talk about it. Oh ugh! I could just smack him right up side the head! “Are you listening to what I am saying?” Our relationship is failing and I am the only one willing to admit it and/or do anything about it! He just doesn’t get it! I just might have to come right out and say it. Maybe he does know and he is in denial or just doesn’t care.

I just found out that the bus is leaving in about five minutes and I am meeting it in town. I am still in my jammies! Best run.

Great day to all.