18 shopping carts, 3 semi loads, and a train-car

If you’d like to read about he Dru Sjodin case this is the link to the articles in the local newspaper

I dont even know where to begin. I have been angry and upset since Sunday. I usually do not hold a grudge ~ with that said I am a liar.

I have been holding grudges since the beginning of time. I have 18 shopping carts, three semi loads, and a train-car full of unresolved issues with Dick. Every time I get upset with him all 18 shopping carts, the three semi loads, and the train-car start to roll, sneaks up behind me, and bites me in the ass.

I have tried talking to him in the past about the things that bother me the most but I could just as well be talking to a brick wall. I could get just as many answers from a brick wall because he just does not talk. If he does talk he manipulates the conversation by answering questions with a question. So I am the one answering his questions without getting an answer to my question. It took me a long time to realize that this is what was happening and now when I try to stop it from happening we are no longer having a discussion but we are having a rip-roarin argument. I dont want to argue! I want to talk about it!

So…right now I am still angry about Sunday. Not so much the drinking but the fact that he did not want to do anything with the kids but when the opportunity arose he went alone. Had he said I feel like doing something but I really dont want to take the kids with me. That would have been a whole different story. Why do you think that they were at home with him while I was in town with Derek? Because I did not feel like putting up with the hassle of having all the kids with me! We are all entitled to some time away from the kids!

But…I have to try something! Something has to change! We can not continue living the way that we have been. It is not as if we fight or argue all the time ~ we just do not speak to each other. From Sunday night until I got home from work Wednesday night I had said two, yes count them, two words to him. That was informing him of a show that we like to watch was on.

I can not continue to be angry with him yet I need some closure on some issues!