Day 9 of 24/7

Day 9 already! Can you believe it? I’ve been playing with another poetry format that I’ve never tried before, and I have another one lined up for tomorrow or a later day. This one is a cinquain. The format has to do with syllable count per line, being 2, 4, 6, 8, 2. The images come from the backstory of the Folk. Those of you who have read Torin’s saga from the beginning are well acquainted with the Folk as they exist in Torin’s world, and I’ve hinted from time to time of their past. This little poem describes the fate of their home planet, and the ones who weren’t able to escape by jumping to parallel realities.

Nova

The sun
huge in the sky
oceans steam in the heat
whole forests erupting in flames
we burn

***

I tried it in past tense "oceans steamed in the heat/whole forests erupted in flames/we burned", but I  think present tense works better. What do you think? I do value your input.

 

 

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August 9, 2010

I like the present tense too.. it makes me feel like I am actually there.. 🙂

August 9, 2010

I don’t really know but, when you mention ocean to a NEW ENGLAND person, transplanted in landlocked Kansas, you bring out the BEAST in me….lol

August 9, 2010

Present tense works better for me, too. I like getting a hint of the backstory to the saga!

August 9, 2010

present tense evokes a story telling tradition where the stories are told over generations always in the present as if the current story teller represents their entire clan/race.

August 9, 2010

Present tense. Nod.

August 9, 2010

I just liked reading it out loud

August 10, 2010

i like present tense much better. read it both ways several times and present tense just seems to say it better. take care,

August 10, 2010

I prefer the present tense.