ONCE AGAIN-EDITED

ONCE AGAIN I CAN’T SLEEP. MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE I HAD A CUP OF COFFEE AFTER SUPPER. WE WENT OUT WITH VERY OLD FRIENDS. I WAS SURPRISED THAT MY HUBBY DIDN’T STOP TALKING. USUALLY HE DOESN’T SAY A WORD.

ONCE AGAIN I AM THINKING ABOUT MY HUBBY AND THAT WOMAN. HE SPENT A COUPLE OF HOURS WITH HER TODAY. DID HE HAVE SUCH A GOOD TIME THAT HE WAS SO HAPPY THAT MADE HIM TALK? I WANT TO BE MATURE ABOUT IT BUT I CAN’T BE! I JUST CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM AND HER. SHE EMAILS HIM ABOUT GOLF CLUBS. WHAT ELSE? DO I CHECK HIS PHONE AND IPAD? HE WOULD PROBABLY DELETE ANYTHING HE DIDN’T WANT ME TO SEE.

I WANT TO BE MATURE AND REALIZE THAT HE LOVES ME AND BE MATURE ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT HE CARES. HE DOES GO PLAY GOLF WITH FRIENDS NOT HER BUT THEN HE DOES DRIVE ME AROUND OTHER DAYS.

I GET UPSET THAT HE CAN SIT WITH HIS IPAD ALL DAY AND PLAY GAMES. IS HE WRITING HER IN BETWEEN???????????????????????????

WHY CAN’T I BE MATURE AND REALIZE THEY ARE JUST GOLF FRIENDS?

SHOULD I TALK TO HIM ABOUT HER AGAIN? I FEEL SO FOOLISH BUT…………………………………………….HE DOES KNOW IT UPSETS ME. I THINK HE MAY BE MORE FASCINATED BY HER THEN SHE WITH HIM. IT DOESN’T MATTER. I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT THE TWO OF THEM.

I AM TRYING TO BE HAPPY AND IN MOST CASES I CAN TURN MY THOUGHTS AROUND BUT THIS RELATIONSHIP IS MAKING ME CRAZY. I DREAD GOING TO FLORIDA WHERE SHE WILL BE NEARBY EVERYDAY NOT THAT SHE IS SO FAR AWAY HERE. I GUESS I’LL TALK TO THE THERAPIST ABOUT IT AND SEE WHAT SHE SUGGESTS.

I HAVEN’T BEEN CALLING OR EMAILING PEOPLE BACK. I AM JUST NOT IN THE MOOD.

I HAVE BEEN MAKING APPOINTMENTS WITH ALL SORTS OF DOCTORS. I AM GETTING TO BE LIKE MY FATHER WHO WAS A HYPOCHONDRIAC.

YESTERDAY I PLAYED CANASTA. I AM REALLY ENJOYING PLAYING WITH THE OTHER WOMEN. TWO GAVE ME THEIR FLORIDA PHONE NUMBERS SO MAYBE I’LL PLAY THERE WITH THEM. THE ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT WHENEVER I AM AWAY FROM HUBBY I’LL THINK THAT HUBBY IS WITH HER. SHE COMES TO OUR POOL AND MANY AFTERNOONS HUBBY GOES TO THE POOL TO SIT, CHAT AND PLAY BRIDGE. MAYBE I’LL HAVE TO GO WHENEVER HE DOES. PROBABLY THAT’S STUPID BECAUSE THERE ARE ALWAYS OTHER PROPLE THERE.

OY! I NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT I WOULD HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MY HUBBY. AND I DON’T KNOW WHY I WORRY BECAUSE SO OFTEN I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT LEAVING HIM AND LIVING ALONE. IT JUST DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. MAYBE IT IS PRIDE. MAYBE I AM AFRAID TO BE LEFT ALONE.

MAYBE I AM OVERREACTING.

I AM ULTRA SENSITIVE THESE DAYS.

I WORRY ABOUT GETTING OLDER.

I WORRY ABOUT BECOMING SICK.

I WORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING.

MY HUBBY USE TO BE THE ONE WHO STAYED UP ALL NIGHT.

NOW I HAVE TAKEN OVER.

THE DOCTOR PRESCRIBED LYRICA FOR MY NEUROPATHY BUT ALL I’VE HEARD IS ABOUT THE BAD SIDE AFFECTS. I DON’T KNOW IF I SHOULD TAKE IT OR NOT.

I AM SO CRANKY AND MISERABLE.

MAYBE THAT’S WHY HUBBY WOULD RATHER BE WITH HER. I AM A GROUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE; THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.