I HEAR YOU

I read and appreciated all your notes. When you write that all this started fifty years ago you are right BUT I WAS VERY YOUNG, VERY NAIVE AND VERY STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have a lot of trouble with communication. I clam up and my hubby is even worse. He DOESN’T TALK!!!!!!!!!! On the other hand I try to start a conversation but don’t know how to continue believe it or not!!!! I always wonder if hubby is telling me the truth and nothing but the truth. Yes all his life he was poor. I probably was too but it was never an issue.
I will start the conversation again. I will try to write things down as it might make it easier for me to understand. I am getting a handle on my debt. I am paying as much as I can every week and every month when my pension comes in. My hubby gives me so much a week. It is usually enough and sometimes I just tell him I need more. I do have my pension coming in and every month I use that to pay down my debt. I haven’t been spending lately. I do have some control…….
I just think that we should celebrate our fiftieth and money should NOT be an issue. I am willing to work within a budget so we will see. We do have time since it would be Spring of 2014!
I still say and I think I am right. Our monthly and yearly expenses are way too high. I don’t know how we can cut them down. I am so willing to give up this trailer and maybe move from our new condo because the condo fees are too much. I don’t think if I stop spending money on my "journals" and pens that it would help. I buy it from my spending money. Also there are many weeks that I don’t buy anything!

Our major expenses:

*two vans
*a condo in the city and Florida
*a trailer in NY
*our cell phones, internet, TV in each place etc. etc.

I hardly ever buy clothes and when I do it is at Walmart etc. I have no jewellery. I hardly ever go to the hairdresser. I must admit that I do buy art and craft supplies and books which has been less as I have been going to the library. I do spend on my grandchildren.

My hubby has planned to live this lifestyle until he’s 90! He’s 75 now! I think we will need less as we get older although I realize we may need more for care.

I guess I can’t help thinking that with all our money we should be able to do more but it all goes to basic expenses and that’s what frustrates me. It also seems that whenever I want to do something major there is never money but hubby gets to do anything and everything.

So if you think I am spoiled you should see most of the other women around here. You would go crazy!!!!! The young mothers who don’t work and live in the lap of luxury. They buy food that is totally prepared…………..they have nannies and cleaning ladies.

So this is our last weekend at the trailer. I am more than ready to stay home even though it won’t be for long. November 1, I leave for FLORIDA. Hubby leaves November 2. I can’t believe it. Before that we have to go to Toronto for a long weekend. There are so many people I want to see because I won’t see them all winter.
I hope I have answered some of your questions. If you have any others feel free to ask. I wish I had some of the wisdom I have now when I was younger. I had NONE!
Tomorrow my hubby will play golf and I told my friends I would go into town with them. I don’t want to sit around like I did last weekend. I have some things to buy, yes buy – a birthday present for my granddaughter. Cards for hubby and my son for his first anniversary etc. I also want to look for a box for the scrapbook I made them. I just thought that maybe I should just sew some type of book cover. Any ideas?
OK! So now I will try to get some more sleep.
Thanks to all of you who care and want to help. I really appreciate it.

whowhatwhere

September 22, 2012

That really surprises me about the talking bit. Maybe you should write him a letter and tell him how you feel about all of this. You seem to be able to communicate rather well in writing.

offmychest

Money is a major issue between married couples, it causes a lot of strife in a marriage. You need to open up more about your feelings. Otherwise you will just be resentful the rest of your life and do you really want that? Your financial decisions should be made TOGETHER, after all you are a couple, not a single. Good luck. I was never able to penetrate my ex’s selfishness…maybe you will have better luck than I did.

gray tabby

you could end up like me when raymond died. i had no idea the credit cards were so high nor did i know about 2 of the credit cards. had no idea how much was in the bank. hadn’t written out any checks to pay the bills cause he did that. he hid a lot from me. with your hubby and his thing of having money here and there, if he died, would you be able to find it all? would you be able to get your hands on it? by not talking to you about the money and bills he’s putting you in a dangerous position should he die first. maybe write him a letter and put it in his suitcase that he takes to florida with him and let him get it and read it on his own. that way he can think about what you’ve written and it might make more of an impact on him that way. especially if you tell him you wouldn’t know what to do or where to find money if he died first. you’re gonna have to shock him into talking with you about the money. if he still won’t talk then i will think of him as a controlling bastard! take care,

TheWoodsprite

Whoever suggested you should buy fewer journals and pens was just stupid! It is things like condos and trailers that cost a lot, not journals and pens! I think the problem is, as you said, your hubby thinks you two can live the way you used to, for the whole rest of your lives. But with the economy the way it is, probably you can’t. He doesn’t want to give it up though. I think HE needs some counseling, not you! ;o) hugs, Nicky

Elaine2

“Whoever suggested you should buy fewer journals and pens was just stupid! It is things like condos and trailers that cost a lot, not journals and pens!” That would be me. I shan’t make further notes on this journal.

Runt

Its hard money isn’t easy, hubby and I fight about it all the time. He can spend but when I ask I get told no and I will verbally tell him that, thats BS and will fight to get what I want. Hubby spent his life in money I have not. So I want to save save save even if it means no money for fun. I do think you can get rid of a few things and get back to basics.

I have told my hubby if he BS’s about my spending than I’ll start being like some of his co-workers wives with expensive purses, clothing, make-up and so forth. That usually shuts him up. But you definitly need to know where what is and so forth just incase.

Pooh Bear Granny

With rising costs I can sure understand how it can be rough sometimes on a budget. My income is quite low, so I have to do without a lot but I try to do one thing for me per month. Love,