WE ARE UNDER ATTACK

  WE ARE UNDER ATTACK HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY! 

We Must Stop This Immediately! 
Have you noticed that stairs are gettingsteeper.  Groceries are heavier.

And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and Iwas dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!  And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they’re red in the face! What do they think I am a lip reader?  I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn’t evenrecognize me.
I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection. Well, REALLY NOW – even mirrors are not made the way they used to be! 
Another thing, everyone drives sofast these days! You’re risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the motorway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.  Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labelling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices? The people who make bathroom scales arepulling the same prank. Do they think I actually ‘believe’ the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they’re fooling?   I’d like to call up someone in authority to report what’s going on — but the  telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they’ve printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever finda number in there!

All I can do is pass along this warning:WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!  Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities. 

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THISCONSPIRACY STOPPED! 
PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has happened to my computer’s fonts – they are smaller than they used to be.