February 10, 2012

TOO SENSITIVE????

I think I am overly sensitive. What do you think?
When I go to the indoor pool in the morning I meet these three women. Two I have known a long time since they were my children’s teachers and principal. We were never close but here we swim together in the morning. We also sit together at the outdoor pool in the afternoons when it’s sunny. The third I met through the other two and we have never met outside of the pool. Anyhow the last day or two they seem to stop talking about going out together for supper when I get close to them in the pool. I am hurt because they stop talking. I don’t care that they didn’t invite me although it would be nice. Often we have talked about where we went for supper etc. So now I am not sure what to do. When we are in the pool the three of them are often huddled together talking. Often I join them but now I feel very self-conscious. I don’t know if I should stay in the "group" in the pool or just say hi and swim on my own. I have never been good with friends. I don’t know how to make them and how to treat them. I wanted to invite them for supper but now I don’t know if I should.
Tomorrow I am going to see a show called "SHEN YU" or something like that. I think it is Chinese acrobats and dancers. It’s been advertised for a few years here and I am excited that I am finally going to see it.
So that’s my dilemma.
I am not going swimming tomorrow. I think I need a break.

Everything in Between

My opinion…and merely and opinion is that you should let it go. I know, easier said than done. I wouldn’t invite them. It almost seems, from what you are writing, that they are treating you as an outsider. It’s not worth the heartache. You are an awesome person who deserves respect. If they are excluding you then you should not go out of your way. I would not stay in that kind of group.

RYN: Oops, yes they do have a DVD player and it’s hooked up to Pete’s old 52 inch TV. Those kids have it made. LOL!!

Ainetheon

Sometimes we perceive not quite correctly then our insecure Child within makes more of it, projects out the insecurities which in turn can provoke a negative response from those we are trying to get closer to. I’m not saying that is what is happening here, only that I have been there too and that is how it was for me. Now, one way to consider bringing out the ‘elephant’ is to ask them how theirsupper evening has gone. I’d say if the invite to join them does not materialise soon then there is a good chance they wish to keep their little group as it is. Try not to play the ‘victim’ as the chances are you will become the outsider. The other thing that came to mind is that they may consider themselves in the same role as the past – the teachers and principal of your children. That may be causing a barrier to building the friendship. Best wishes, A

FRIDAY'S CHILD

February 11, 2012

I would feel the same way that you do…I tend to be very insecure at times but geez, nobody should be made to feel like an outsider. You are too good for that!!!

RYN: It’s much faster now that I’m not trying to squeeze writing time in after work and between chores, errands, and visiting my mom! =)

gray tabby

i would probably feel like you do. i’m insecure and their actions would bring that out in me big time. might be best to swim on your own and let whatever friendship there might have been just go. they are treating you like an outsider and that’s not right. you deserve better than that. take care,

Tornado

I am feeling the same way with the group of friends I have been with for a couple years. We all email every day but lately it has been evident that I am being left out of some of the emails. I’m slowly distancing myself from them. I have realized, and I think they also, that we have few common interests. Could this be the case with your friends also?

I have the same feeling at work. so I have withdrawn somewhat and then they aren’t happy when I have things going on that I haven’t mentioned. But when I used to it was like they really weren’t interested so I don’t bother telling them anything. I know I’m sensitive and feel left out. More like I am only there to fill up the empty space. But it is hard when you really would like to be included but aren’t.

Happy Trails

Isn’t it absurd women our age still act like mean girls in high school?

Pooh Bear Granny

Just stay cool and casual at the pool. Hopefully they will come around. Love,

offmychest

If they don’t want to include you, then I say the hell with them. You have plenty of friends and things to keep you busy. You are an awesome person and if they can’t see that then it is their loss not yours.

Gypsy Spirit

its most likely not personal about you at all…..just coincidence that their conversation ceases. If it is really bothering you, or continues…may be you need to speak to one of them alone and ask if you have done anything to offend them. hugs p

whowhatwhere

Daniel wants to see that show. I want a full report! And I have no idea about the friend thing, I don’t have any irl friends, I really suck at them.

Nectar

I like what Ainetheon said