March 30, 2010

A DECISION TO MAKE/ ADVICE PLEASE

I have a decision to make. Actually I am not sure it is mine to make. For about six years I have been taking my grandson every Thursday afternoon. My mother use to babysit with my children every Thursday but she came to my house and stayed. I went out for the afternoon and early evening. Now my son is living with his girlfriend and her two children. When I take my grandson when he is at my son’s I bring him home about seven or seven thirty. By then the other two are in bed! The girlfriend finds this disruptive and it might be. Also she says her children are jealous and they may or may not be. I do take her children but not on a regular basis. Sometimes I am just too lazy. I like to take them each separate so if I take each child one day a week it would mean that I am busy three days a week. Even though I am not that busy I don’t think I want to be committed three days. My son wants me to just come to their house and babysit the three of them. It wouldn’t be the same for my grandson. Does it matter at this point? So I am not sure what to do. I think the girlfriend would be happy if I told her I would take her children on a regular basis. Maybe that’s the route to go. I still have to talk to me EX DIL to see if she still will let me take my grandson on Thursday when he is with her. To be honest I wouldn’t mind skipping it at this point as I never know what to do with them. If I bring my grandson here after school I end up taking him home late. I could just take him for donuts, TOYS R US and then supper. I don’t want to take him shopping every week. My son and his girlfriend are coming for supper on Friday. I guess we’ll discuss it then. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

That’s a tough one! I can see why the other kids would be jealous… Maybe they feel sad and hurt, and that’s worse than jealousy. You’re so generous with your time with your grandson. Could you alternate weeks… One week you take him for the day and the next week you spend an afternoon there with all of them and play board games or do crafts? you’re so crafty, could you teach them kids crafts? It’s sweet that you want to do what’s right… It sure is hard to know what’s right, isn’t it.

offmychest

I think it would hard on you to take all three kids all the time, that is a handful. I think you should tell your son and his GF this. That you can take them but not all at once. You want each of them to have some special alone time with you.

Random noter: I would not change a thing. Your grandson has you and the girlfriend’s kids have their own grandparents. Your grandson deserves special alone time with his grandma. If the girlfriend still complains about the timing, you could take your grandson out a little earlier and bring him back well before bedtime…

You should be able to take your granson out –alone, you and him. There is no need to take the other children. YES, they feel bothered, yes, they might be jealous, but do they have grandparents? Do those kids ALL the kids go with those grandparents? Does your grandson go with them also–all the time? Kids will always feel jealous or bothered if other kids get MORE or stay up later. explain to the other kids that he misses you or have your daughter in law explain and you can tell your daughter in law that YOU two need some time alone..That’s NORMAL It’s great taking kids one at a time. They get more attention and they LOVE it.

I have three grandkids, my daughter’s kids, and I take them all DIFFERENT times. I don’t take the little little one, have no energy for her but i love her lots. (I bring her extra things..treats..and tell her when she gets older she can come with us). This next month my daughter and her daughter are coming with us to a GIRL’s day out, and the grandson and other grandaughter –the baby, are staying home with the dad. This is NORMAL lol .then we have our days when we are all together.. all celebrating a festival etc, or something in the community.. we ALL go. You need to do what YOU think is best and forget what they think is best. It is your energy, and your money, and your time that you are GIVING. Let them understand that. itiswelljournal

I have a mild arthritis and mild heart problem so I can’t take them all at once, I do what is good for me that’s all AND I still get to see them all and be with them all separate and together. DO what’s best for you. AND that will be what’s best for your grandson also. He NEEDS to be with you alone, that is a human need since he is not with his mom…………he has his mom’s mom. YOU

Besides that’s his GIRLFRIEND not his wife. YOU have more say than she has or at least it should be like that You are family, she is joining , maybe sometime later. Your son should understand that you and your grandson need to be together and your son’s girlfriend should be mature enough to handle her own kids and explain that to them. Explainto them that it’s not personal it’sjust that your grandsom misses his mom and enjoys being with his grandmom

SORRY for long long notes. These are JUST IDEAAS just opinions of course, do what is BEST for you. YOU know what’s best now just get the courage to say it and to do it. LISTEN TO YOU!!!! and pray..always pray also

cardslinger

March 31, 2010

That is difficult as it seems feelings will be hurt no matter what you do but the girlfriend’s children are not your grandchildren unless they marry but they are children and of course they be jealous. I think you need time alone with just your grandson but am not sure what to adcise. Good luck on Friday night.