VERY SAD AND CONFUSED-read
The past few days have not been easy emotionally. I have been preparing for Passover. I have also been sad and confused.
I have a horrible feeling that this will be the last year we celebrate Passover in my home. I am not sure why I have this feeling. I JUST DO! Maybe it’s because one of us will get sick or die. Maybe it’s because it’s just time to stop.
SOME BACKGROUND:
When my mother was "old" I offered to make PASSOVER and she would come live with us for a week. It was a real family week. My parents and my family were together. My mother would do all the cooking. My sister and I helped of course. Hubby and I helped financially and my sister helped by cleaning and washing dishes. Slowly my mother got too old and I took over.
I guess I was young and confident and enjoyed doing it.
Over the past few years things have changed. For one thing my parents died. Most of our family are in Toronto. My daughter is away. My sister is not coming this year. My hubby is no longer interested in making Passover what with the expense and the mess.
Friends keep telling me it’s time to give it up. Family keep telling me it’s time to go to Toronto for the holiday.
Myself I would keep going. However I have the feeling that I am not accepting the changes that come with age. I am not sure if it’s everyone’s influence or if I am feeling my age.
I am preparing slowly. I am doing ok physically. Tomorrow and Saturday my cleaning lady will be here.
I will have to think things over carefully before next year.
Am I upset that I would be giving up tradition? Did my mother feel the same way when she started to come to me? Somehow I don’t think so.
I think we can start a wonderful but new tradition by going to Toronto next year. We could have one seder with hubby’s side and one with mine.
I think it’s time to give up the reins but not sure if I’m ready or if I should. I guess I’ll see more after the weekend but even if it goes well it doesn’t mean I should continue.
So as I sit here and think about life tears are falling. I am so confused. I guess I will have to discuss things with hubby and come to a decision together. We do have a whole year!
I think my problem is that I want to keep old traditions and have to face the fact that it’s ok to create new ones.
OLD AGE SUCKS!
I think you are thinking some very good thoughts.
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*hugs*
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I think it’s good to reasses every now and then. Find out what you think about things. Ask questions. We often do things more out of habit than out of intentionality. Blessings!
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I agree old age sucks and yes we have to give up the old ways and the younger generation want nothing to do with carrying it on. Its sad but true. I am giving it all up this year. No thanksgiving dinner at my house and no Christmas. Its all I can do now just to feed Charles and I and most of the time thats junk food.
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The big question is: do you enjoy doing it? If you do, then keep doing it. If it’s just a big hassle, then simplify. You don’t need to look at it like “this is the last time ever.” You’re making it sound so ominous when it’s really just a choice you are making. The choice hasn’t BEEN MADE for you by health or other circumstances. You’re actually very fortunate!
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I agree with your last noter, we are of the same mind.
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It’s difficult, having to make changes and accept changes. You have a year. You can write about what you want to keep and what you want to give up.
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That’s the thing that has been so difficult for me to accept. All of my family is gone and so are the traditions. My boys are scattered and don’t “do tradition” so they are just memories now. Hope yours can continue, maybe in a smaller way.
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Change is very hard sometimes:) J
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Yep, sure does.
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I can remember that the first year my family had passover without my grandparents it was not the same. It never is. In recent years we don’t even do the passover thing. My parents are always on a trip just so they don’t have to do it. It’s tiresome and there is always a mess. And because my family is so small now it just doesn’t seem worth it. Wveryone is married and goes to the in-laws.
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I am so sorry you’re feeling sad about it all. I know that you will make the right decision. God will guide you.
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Interesting. Every year, I made 3,000 Christmas cookies. People love them, but it takes a lot out of me to make them and every year I say its my last year. I’ve slowly been cutting back and did very little last year. It felt odd at first but this year, I’m sort of looking forward to just doing for the immediate family and that’s it. I see it as a liberation. I enjoyed it at the time, but the kidsare grown and that part of my life is done. I want to move on to other things. I’ve cut back on holiday meals as well.
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What’s so bad about doing things a new way? It’s like this year, we are going to Carrie’s home for Christmas. I have ALWAYS had it here. But she’s the young mom with the young kids, and they deserve to be able to have Christmas in their own home! For my part, I am going to absolutely RELISH not having to cook, babyproof my house, etc., etc., etc.! I bet you will come to really enjoy going to Toronto for your Passover, also! hugs, Weesprite
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I absolutely agree, old age sucks. I have a wonderful book called old age isn’t for sissies. That’s for sure. I wish you peace in what ever decision you come to. If Hubs & I are in AZ for the holidays next year it will be hard to decide how to celebrate if none of the kids join us. Dang
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