DIETS-read

BORROWED FROM GILRAENT

"The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it."~ Andy Rooney

"I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is two weeks."~ Totie Fields

"When I buy cookies I just eat four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid so I won’t dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful, though, because that Raid really doesn’t taste that bad."~ Janette Barber

"Too many people confine their exercise to jumping to conclusions, running up bills, stretching the truth, bending over backward, lying down on the job, sidestepping responsibility and pushing their luck."~ Unknown

"Old people shouldn’t eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get."~ Robert Orben

"You do live longer with bran but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet."~ Alan King

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."~ Fred Allen

"My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven today – we don’t know where the hell she is."~ Ellen Degeneres

"You can’t lose weight without exercise. But I’ve got a philos ophy about exercise. I don’t think you should punish your legs for something your mouth did. Drag your lips around the block once or twice."~ Gwen Owen

"The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again."~ Erma Bombeck

"I’ve been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet!"~ Erma Bombeck

"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people." ~ Orson Welles

"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight." ~ Rita Rudner

"If we are what we eat, then I’m easy, fast, and cheap."~ Unknown

"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."~ Unknown

"I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them."~ Unknown

"If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country."~ Unknown

"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I ‘m doing."~ Unknown

"Having lost weight over the past few years, I was discarding things from my wardrobe that no longer fit. My seven-year old niece was watching as I held up a huge pair of slacks. "Wow," I said. "I must have worn these when I was 183." My niece looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?"~ Unknown

"Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food."~ Unknown