THINGS I REALIZE-read

I am not  a happy person.
I may be depressed.
I always look at the cup half empty.
I realized that yesterday after my "egg decorating" class. It went ok but when I came out I was sad instead of happy and content.
I am not sure why. Maybe because there was only one other woman at the class besides the teacher. She came late and left early.
We talked a lot about what would happen when we would be older. How would we cope? Where would we live?
The teacher is very frail and forgetful.
I did work on a plate and three eggs so I was productive even though I didn’t finish anything but that is ok. I have next week and many other weeks.
I know I am worried about my grandson who is having his tonsils taken out tomorrow. I don’t know if I’ll go to the hospital. I will ask my son in the morning.
We played bridge last night. I enjoyed it but realized after that I had no interest in going for coffee or being friendly with one of the women there. In fact I am not really a friendly person. I stay alone. I don’t initiate conversation or getting together usually.
I think we need new blood in the egg class. Next week no one else will be there. It’s good because I have the teacher’s undivided attention so why was I gloomy when I left there.
I think that’s just the way I am.
I am also thinking about going to the trailer this weekend. I am thinking about copping out but don’t know how my hubby will feel. I feel guilty that I don’t want to go.
I don’t want to go because there will be no internet.
I don’t want to go because I don’t think too many of our friends will be there for the weekend.
I don’t want to go because I am comfortable at home.
I don’t want to go because I will have to make a food order. I have enough food here.
Once I am there it’s ok just like in Florida but when push comes to shove I just rather stay home.
What is wrong with me? Why can’t I be content, happy? I wonder if it’s time to talk to my doctor but I don’t think I would like to go on medication but maybe, just maybe I would be better off. I go through days ok. At other times I start to cry.
I guess I better go back to bed. Tomorrow is bowling if I don’t go to the hospital. Then my cleaning lady is coming so will stay here in the afternoon. I haven’t seen her since we are back from Florida.