BEING DRAFTED OVER AGE 65

  I’m over 65 and  the Armed Forces say I’m too old to track down
terrorists. (You  can’t be older than 35 to join the  military.) They’ve
got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to
fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn’t be able to  join a
military unit until you’re at least 35.

  For  starters:

Researchers  say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds.
Old  guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more
than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the
enemy.

Young  guys haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier
is a dangerous soldier. If we can’t kill the enemy we’ll complain them
into submission. "My back hurts! I’m hungry! Where’s the remote?"

An 18-year-old hasn’t had a legal beer yet and you shouldn’t go to war
until you’re at least old enough to drink. The average old guy,on the
other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer, and a jaunt through
the desert heat with a beer and an M-60 would do  wonders for the old
beer belly. (Note there are 24 hours in a day  and 24 bottles in a
case…another
convenient way to measure time!)

  An 18-year-old doesn’t like to get up before 10  a.m.

  Old guys always get up early to pee.

If captured we couldn’t spill the beans because we’d forget where we put
them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real
brainteaser.

  Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We’re used to getting screamed
and yelled at and we like soft food. We’ve also developed an
appreciation for guns.We like them almost better than naps.

  They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I’ve been in
combat and didn’t see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the
side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.  I
can hear the Drill Sgt now, "Get down and give me… er . one."

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I’ve never seen
anyone outrun a bullet.

An  18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He’s still learning to
shave, to carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without
the top of his butt crack showing and his shorts sticking out. He’s
hasn’t figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles,and that
a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda can rupture an eardrum,
and that a baseball
cap has a brim to shade eyes, not the back of his  head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little
more about life before sending them off into harm’s  way.

  Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who  attacked us
on September 11. The last thing an enemy would  want to see
right now is a couple of million old farts with  attitudes.

Share this with your senior friends. It’s  purposely in big type so you
can read it