Save me from all this paperwork!!!!

My brain’s made of fog.  And yet…everybody wants me to fill out paperwork.  Yes, i’ll get right on that– just as soon as i remember my name.  And send out all the thank you notes.  And am able to go to work and actually speak to people.

Yep, that’s the next thing on my list.

Jim’s memorial service was soooo comforting to me– and i’ve had quite a few folks tell me that it was to them, to.  I don’t think i mentioned this, but Jim was cremated and i had some of his ashes put into his putter, which is sitting in the corner of the living room right now, where it’s handy to yell at when i feel the notion.  A friend of ours offered to make a shadowbox for it, which i thought was an incredible idea.

Also, i was given a flag and "Taps" was played at the end of the ceremony.  There was no 21 gun salute, since the entire service was inside.  But…it was so touching to watch two of our military folks go through the ceremony of folding the flag, clicking their heals, everything very percise.  Then one of them got on his knee in front of me and in a quiet and respectful voice, presented the flag to me on behalf of the United States President.

WOW

I just don’t have the words.

But i have the perfect place to hang the flag, which is in it’s case, and the putter.

And i’m…ok as i’m going to be for awhile.  I woke up Thursday morning having a panic attack.  I guess the denial’s over.  I realized that i’d been going on like Jim was on a trip and would be back.  Reading about grief, that’s fairly "normal".

I told LeeLee the other day that i shouldn’t be so upset–i’d left Jim and lived on my own for four years and done fine, mostly.  LeeLee, in her 28 year old wisdom, replied, "Yeah. but it was YOUR choice then."