Fast forward…or rewind, i don’t know…

My Bailey girl’s back in NC.  But at least i got to spend the day with her yesterday.  And part of the day with Chant, since his parents took him to a movie (and in the back of my mind i’m wondering if Kim thinks this makes up to Chant for not being there…).

We played in the pool at j’s.  And laughed at the kid’s silliness and listened to the wonderful sound of Bailey laughter– the most beautiful sound on earth to me!!

But…things aren’t going well for Kim and Ant.  Mostly, i think, because Kim doesn’t want them to.  And it’s all about Kim and what she wants.  And i don’t think she knows what she wants– only that she doesn’t have it.  Sooooo sad…

But, i suppose the same could be said of me– that i don’t know what i want either.  But somehow that’s ok, since i can’t see that i’m hurting anyone in the process.  Although some days i do wonder about my thinking.  J’s been good to me, tho.  Or i wouldn’t still be hanging around with him.  Last night, i drove his car home and am keeping it till he gets mine fixed.  There’s nothing major wrong with it– but the electric window on the driver’s side has slowly died and my bright lights have a tendency to stick when i turn them on– just the stuff i’d expect out of a 1993 model.  But…last night i drove home in j’s 2001 Z28 convertible– the one he bought right after i left him while he was crying poor mouth the whole time.  I gotta say, that’s a fun car!!  I gotta watch myself tho, ’cause it’s hard to stay under the speed limit in it!

J told me a couple of weeks ago that he’s had a lot of time to think since i left.  And one thing he’s discovered is that i’m loyal.  Even tho, he claims, the last few years we were together, he was paranoid of me running off with somebody (which, really, was part of what pushed me to run off by myself).  And i told him so, telling him that i was the bomb!!  Which i don’t really believe, but it made us both laugh.  But…it was nice to have the loyalty aknowledged.  It’s a trait i hold dear.

So, we’ll see.  It’s great to be around someone who knows me so well, who i can just be myself around, and that i know cares for me.  I haven’t met anybody who treats me at good as j is– but i have to be careful, too, because he’s always been capable of treating me like a princess.  It’s just those times of being treated like a door mat, ignored, and put down that i couldn’t live with any more.  And i still won’t.  Fast car or not (and i DO love a fast car!!).

So, onward i go…think i’ll go see if i can catch my mamma at home.

Blessed be!!!