The loss of life loved

As most of you know, I got the call on Memorial Day that my Grandmother was not doing so well.  Tuesday, I finished up some business that needed to be taken care of, and I left early Wednesday morning.  (well, early for me)  LOL I drove straight through to Minneapolis.  There, I stopped at my friend’s house, where I was going to be remodeling his kitchen.  I spent the night there, rearranged all of my things, unloaded the tools I had brought along for the job, and left the next morning for Mom and Dad’s house.  I stopped at my brother and sister in law’s new house, and had supper with them, before going on to Mom and Dad’s.  I arrived there at around 11.  No one was home yet, so I began unloading my car.  I knew the folk’s had gone to pick up my cousin at the train station and were going to stop at my older brother’s house.  As I was taking my second load in, they pulled in.  I was able to see three cousins that night.  I hadn’t seen BJ or M in many, many years.  I had seen D a few years ago, but he has changed a little since then too.  That night, BJ and I stayed up all night long, visiting and catching up.  When we awoke, BJ, M, D and I went into town to see Grandma.  She wasn’t looking very well at all, and didn’t really know we were there, from what I could tell.  We all talked to her, though, and told her we loved her.  G and J and their four kids came up on Friday night as well. 

The next few days were a blur.  Unfortunately, M and BJ had to go back to work Monday morning, so they had to leave on Saturday morning.  D had to leave on Sunday, as well.  I drove D down to the train station on Sunday, and on the way home, drove by the old farms where we used to live when we first moved back to the frozen tundra from Northern California.  I remembered a house about a half mile south of our old farm that used to have a cool old house on it, so I took a picture of that house as well.  Then I continued up and took pictures of the old one room schoolhouse where I used to attend Vacation Bible School, and then on up to the church we used to attend as well.  I took pictures of the church, inside and out, and also took some shots of the headstones of my grandparents, great grandparents, and aunt.  After that little trip down memory lane, I tried to stop by some friends’ house, but nobody was home.  I went home after that, to help out some with the farm work.  My older brother, A, was seeding, and Dad was working the fields ahead of him, so they needed me to bring more grain seed out to A. 

Monday was pretty much the same.  I went in to see Grandma again, but didn’t stay long.  She wasn’t looking much different, but at least I spent a little time with her. 

Tuesday morning, we got up and were working the fields again.  About 11:30, I was out in the field with A, when he got a call on his cell phone from Dad.  Mom had just called him and told him that the nursing home had called and told her that Grandma wasn’t doing well, and it probably wouldn’t be long.  So Dad was going in to meet Mom at the home.  He told A to stay in the field.  I finished up loading the fertilizer and seed, then went back to the farm, jumped in Grandma’s car, and went to town. 

After we got the call, I called G and J to let them know.  G was working, so I told J.  She was going to call G and let him know.  I knew there wouldn’t be anything they could do, and they couldn’t come up, but he had to know anyway.  All the while before I went to town, I was sending messages, prayers, whatever, asking Grandma to “hang on until I get there”.  When I walked into her room, I was not sure of what I would find.  As I walked in, I found Mom, Dad, and Grandma’s two brothers sitting around Grandma’s bed, chatting.  Grandma’s breathing was shallow and short.  There was a cart of coffee, ice water, and muffins sitting there.  There was no place for me to sit, so I stood beside the coffee cart.  I refilled everyone’s coffee, and the thermos ran out.  So I went up to the kitchen to get it refilled.  In the kitchen, I ran into an old friend from high school.  She and I chatted for a little bit and I decided I had better get the coffee back to the room, or I’d be in trouble.  LOL 

I went back to the room and refilled everyone’s coffee cups.  When I did, Mom, who had been sitting next to Grandma’s head, kind of rubbing her shoulder, got up to use the restroom.<SPAN style=”mso-spacerun: yes”>  I promptly grabbed her chair, and started rubbing Grandma’s forehead and head.  Everyone else just continued chatting.  I watched Grandma as she slept.  Mom came out, and, realizing I had taken her chair, decided to go get another chair to sit in.  She came back and sat back down, and was talking to J, one of Grandma’s brothers.  She said, “I wonder why it is so hard for someone to just die.  She just keeps fighting it.”

I continued watching Grandma, talking to her in my head.  Remembering all of the great times I had shared with her.  Grandma’s breathing was really getting slow now.  I was watching for her chest to rise and fall.  It seemed like a while after her last breath, maybe 20 seconds or so, and Dad, who I guess had been watching me watch Grandma, asked me “Is she gone?”  I looked up at him, and said, “I think so, it’s been a while since her chest last rose and fell.  Mom came over, and was looking at Grandma, and I asked her, “What do we do?  Do we call the nurse?”  She answered yes, and she pushed the button for someone to come.  When the nurse arrived, she checked for a pulse, and looked at Mom, and said, “Yes, she is gone.” 

I stepped back to let the nurse do whatever she needed to do, and she started to do her thing.  I told Mom that I was going to go outside and call G.  I was fine with the events that had just transpired, but I wanted to have a cigarette and let it soak in a little, so I went outside to call G and J.  I didn’t get my cigarette even lit when J answered the phone.  She said hello, and my voice was just not there.  She said hello again, and I finally was able to (literally) squeak out, “She’s gone.”  At this time, I was sobbing uncontrollably, but talking with J calmed me down and I was able to compose myself.  A few minutes after I got outside, I was able to finally light my cigarette.  J said she needed to call G to let him know, and we hung up.  As we hung up, Dad was walking out of the home.  I also saw Grandma’s brothers driving away.  I hadn’t even seen them come outside.  Dad came by and said he was going to go back out and get in the field again.  I told him I was going to call A to let him know, and I would be home in a little while.  I called A to let him know.  I was under control for that call. 

I went back in, not wanting to leave Mom in the room too long alone with Grandma’s body.  I went into the room, and no one was in there.  Grandma was lying there, just like she was sleeping.  They didn’t pull the sheet up over her head or anything.  I went over to her one last time and rubbed her forehead some more and told her I loved her and would miss her.  I told her to go home to Grandpa and my uncles, and the rest of the family.  They were waiting for her. 

I then went to look for Mom.  I felt like a little kid again, walking around, asking people, “Have you seen Mom?”, “Do you know where my Mom is?”  Finally someone said they thought they had seen her going back towards the kitchen.  I found her there, talking with GoA’s mother, and my high school friend.  They were all crying, and it felt good that they were saddened so much by the passing of my Grandmother, too.  They both gave me hugs and put their arms around me and offered me their condolences.  Finally, Mom and I decided we had better get going.  I told Mom I was going to stop by C’s house to let her know.  I stopped by for a couple minutes, then headed home.  At home, Mom was calling everyone to let them know.  When she called the family out west, D was the only one she could reach.  He told her he would tell his mother and brother.  Later, we found out that as Mom was calling, D’s mother was going through closing on buying her first home on her own, without my uncle.  D took her out for supper to celebrate her purchase, and after supper, took her home, and sat her down at the table.  He then told her that he had to tell her something, but he wanted to give her some celebratory time before giving her the news.  He then told her that Grandma had passed.  She came to the frozen tundra for the funeral.  It was Tuesday that Grandma passed away, and she arrived via train on Friday evening. 

Grandma’s roommate was rarely in the room.  She would sit down in the lounge all day long.  She was deaf, but in much better health than Grandma was.  That evening, when the nurse brought her back to her room, she saw that Grandma was not in her bed as usual, and that things were not right.  She got a worried look on her face, and pointed to Grandma’s bed with an inquisitive look.  The nurse then realized that nobody had thought to tell her that Grandma had passed away.  So she then explained to her that Grandma had passed away that afternoon.  She made the gesture of tears running down her face with her hands, and the nurse told her that yes, everyone was very saddened by the loss.  I thought it was sad that they hadn’t told her, yet my heart was warmed by the story.

Mom, Dad, A, and I went in to pick out the casket.  Before we left for town, Dad ran down to the basement and came back up with a plaque.  It had a picture of a farm on it, and they explained to me that that plaque had been placed in Grandpa’s casket for his funeral.  Grandma had picked it out.  Dad thought it fitting that it should be in Grandma’s casket, as well.  We went into the funeral home, and were walking around looking at the caskets after a short talk with the director.  I came around a corner, looked at a casket, and immediately said to myself, “this is it.”  I called Mom over, and said, “This is the one.”  She came over and looked at it, and said, “I think you are right.”  Dad and A came over and looked, and they liked it too.  The director was trying to show us some more, and we just stopped him and said, “This is the one.”  The reason it was so easy to tell that THAT was THE one, was that the scene from Grandpa’s plaque was embroidered into the top of the lid, and also was etched into the brackets for the handles.  The scene was in nine places on the casket, and the casket was just RIGHT.  So we decided since the scene was already on the casket, we decided we would put Grandpa’s plaque next to the guest book. 

The funeral was nice; sad of course, but still nice.  I heard stories about Grandma and Grandpa that I hadn’t heard before, some that I had heard, and mostly just about how great everyone thought Grandma was.  We had the reception, or whatever it’s called in the basement of the church afterwards.  I almost felt bad, because I was enjoying the reception so much.  I was able to see people that I hadn’t seen since I graduated in ’82.  People who aren’t as high on my priority list of people to see when I go home to visit, yet are still nice people who I appreciate knowing and talking to.  The mother of one of my second cousins was there, and I found out that he was living in Minneapolis where I was going to be working for the summer, so I told her that I would try to look him up and get in touch with him.  He was one of the two guys I was friends with most of the time I lived in the frozen tundra, but I had lost touch with him a couple years after I graduated, and I think I saw him last in 84 or 85.  I have contacted him again, and we have gotten together a couple times since then.  It’s always fun to rekindle an old friendship, isn’t it?  I hope it isn’t another 20 years till I talk to or see him again.  Grandma’s funeral brought about that rekindled friendship. 

Grandma’s passing was not unexpected, nor unwelcome.  I hate to think so coldly about it, but Grandma hasn’t been in good health for years, and her mind wasn’t really “there” very often anymore, so I think it is good that she has finally gone home to be with God and her family.  I will miss her greatly, but I have been blessed with many years of having my Grandma, and it would be selfish to want her to hang on in this life.  The fact that I was with her, touching her as she passed means so much to me.  I have never been in the same room with someone as they left this world, so that was a bit intense, but at the same time, it was beautiful.  Her breathing just slowed down, and stopped.  I can’t think of a better way to explain it than that. 

Grandma has gone home.  She’s waiting there for me.