Olden Days?

You guys are so fun to share pics with! *g* Thank you for all your great notes-on which I completely agree of course. Except the ones where I don’t look old enough to be a grandma. Oy. All I have to do is stand next to one of my daughters to be reminded of my age!

*note to self* Don’t share mirror w/ girls ever again.

Logan is even more adorable now (it is perfectly acceptable for grandmas to gush!) how disappointed I am that other roll did not develop. 🙁 Btw, in looking at that pic of me laughing at him – please know he wasn’t bawling his head off!! Yes, that’s what it looks like, but that’s just him hollering, that’s why it’s so funny! He is very dramatic, seems to run in the family, hee.

He and Brie are here tonight to stay over. Bliss. I just got done rocking him to sleep-it is extremely hard to put him down in his bed while sleeping in my arms let me tell you. Precious little peanut. This is new, him letting-wanting-me to rock him to sleep. Usually he wants his swing, but tonight he fussed and fussed so I took him out and started to rock him and he was asleep within minutes. Later, same thing. Oh be still my heart. *w* We had so much fun shopping for him yesterday and today. Only thing is, I want to give him his gifts right now! Steve said no. I hate that word. *g*

We didn’t go to the Mall of America, Steve still didn’t feel that great, we went to a couple malls closer to home, and did well, so it worked out fine. Hopefully by tomorrow he’s all ok.

We were all downstairs earlier, laughing our heads off, remembering. Things that at the time, were horrid, are now funny in retrospect. That Brie, some of the stunts she pulled…Oy. Chris came over, feels good to have him here again, but I don’t know if anything will come of it. For now, they are just friends. Now they’re watching a movie, everyone else is in bed and is my ‘quiet’ time.

Speaking of Brie’s past, reminded me of when we were up home for Thanksgiving. We stayed at my older brother G’s and he was acting funny when I was showing him Logans pic’s at moms. Later I talked with him on that ‘old time’ attitude-which I loathe anyway. I told him that yes, I realize Brie is unmarried, etc., but that Logan was the best thing that could’ve ever happened to her, and how I believe, he’s saved her from a very dangerous path. That he doesn’t have to worry, it’s all good. G was glad to hear this and dropped the Big brother/Uncle sort of disapproving thing. He wasn’t being mean, he simply still lives up home and back there the times change a lot slower.

At any rate, it got me to thinking. We have wholeheartedly accepted and felt blessed by Brie’s pregnancy and then Logan arriving. All of you here have been completely understanding, supportive and excited with me. In my world, all is well. In the stores, w/ Brie as her pregnancy advanced, there were looks now and then. You know, ‘looks’. My chin shot up in the air and my smile got bigger, of course. *shakes head* I made it perfectly clear that 1)all was just fine, thank you and 2)It really wasn’t any of their business now, was it? Those looks really were rare, however. And considering Brie can look around 15, I was pleasantly surprised. In some cases, in the stores Brie shopped in all the time, I would insert her age, and that would be enough to change those ‘looks’.

My point in this-do I have a point? I guess it was my brother. His reaction. My reaction. My dad was pissy at first too. That old school crap, taught and revered in my home town. *shudder* Some have changed, but not the core of the town. The ones who’ve been there forever, or the ones born there, whether they’ve moved or not. And I forget about it. Completely. I just remember how “wonderful” it is there. Which is normal, yes. But rather stupid. Also, immediately that old feeling of ‘doing something wrong’ came over me, that shame. But only for a moment and I simply talked to my brother and all was well. Or much better anyway. It showed me I’ve come a long way and that felt good, now that I think of it. None of that old defensiveness and immediate reaction of anger.

I do that now-forget-and prob. on purpose. I don’t have to be on my guard anymore. It feels wonderful. I always had to be on guard, always. I mean all I heard was “what will people think!”, among others. I didn’t even really realize the wonderful freedom I have now. It’s great! Now I can appreciate it. That makes me very happy.

*L* Unless you were raised in a small town like mine, this all prob. sounds weird. My friends would shake their heads in disbelief when I would say something-totally normal to me-about my childhood. They didn’t make me feel bad at all, and of course I felt the same way when we’d compare stories! Yet at heart we were all so similar, even though our childhoods were so different. I find that so interesting.

From now on, when I go back, I’ll be aware of the fact that the “olden days” are not olden up there. I can be hurt easily, if I’m aware, I can simply accept.I’ve been hurt before. In this case, it feels very good to be older…and maybe finally a bit wiser. *w* It felt good to not have that squirming sense of shame, in remembering something-having it stay on my mind.

Well I’m feeling a bit of that now, this is becoming dangerously, if not outright, personal praise. *shudder* If I’d have had any idea when I’d began with this, where it would go, I’d have never started!

We picked up Chinese on the way home, and now I’m hungry. Uh oh. I think midnight is a little late to have a snack. Can’t be good. Going to happen however, that much is for certain, even as I type I’m mentally scanning the contents of my fridge…and remembering I didn’t eat all my supper! Woohoo!

Off to raid the fridge, have a good night everyone!