Oh F.F.S…..

Honestly. I’ve yet to see it fail where the shithead comes out ahead more often then not. If this OD bleeped out ‘bad’ words, this entry would be little more then ## or !! if I let myself go. Shit.

Carl got in an accident. Now why should that upset me-or rather shouldn’t I be *concerned* for him? *SNORT* In a pigs eye. No the little pisshead isn’t hurt. OF COURSE he’s not hurt, nary a broken bone, but of course, I mean he’s the one that BREAKS them, not the one that HAS them. The point is, I am so PO’d that he had the accident-not that he wasn’t hurt. Now he gets to play Mr. Pitiful and Brie will get to play the sucker again. *grabs hair* shitshitshit

He’s up on the north shore with his dad (another worthless idiot) and apparently something went wrong with his dads car and they went sailing off a cliff and into the trees. I guess it was pretty bad, jaws of life had to get them out, clothes cut off, yada, yada. But were either of them-each who has caused endless havoc on the people who love them-so much as flippin scratched? How’d we hear? Oh sweet sweet Carl *dripping venom* had the nurses call Brie to let her know.

Who the fuck cares? I mean where were you Carl for the last few weeks, while Brie sat home with the baby? Broke, worried sick, chewing her fingernails off, not sleeping?! Does he call then? NO. Does he answer her repeated calls for help/money/anything? NO. BUT when the little puss gets in an accident, oh my then he calls Brie doesn’t he? Well hell yes, he knows a nice little place to “recover” (gag). I wish he’d have broken an arm, I’d have given it a good twist when I saw him next.

Don’t even talk to me about kindness for my fellow man. He’s not my fellow man. He’s a disease on my fellow man. He’s a scum sucking tadpole on the BUTT of my fellow man.

I’m just so pissed off. Mainly that he had to call Brie right off the bat. And because these fuckers always win. The drunk kills others while he ends up w/ not a bump. Wife beaters end up killing them while getting off in a short time. On and on and on…

Now I can bet you what’ll happen. He’ll be ever so repentant (being sure God has saved him) and “realize” how close he came to death and how “stupid” he’s been becuz’ now he “knows” how “very, very much” he “just loves” Brie and Logan…blah,blah,fuckingblah. Then, when he goes to jail in a week or so (Oh, yeah,did I tell you he got a WHOLE 30 days for breaking Brie’s collarbone last year?) where he’ll “find God” and declare himself SAVED.

This shit will last for about a wk., maybe 2, before it all “became too much for him” and he uses. Then WE all get to go thru’ that drama again…while he skates off feeling no pain, becuz he’s stoned.

Oh I just can’t *tell* you how I am looking forward to all of this again.

Of course Brie is swearing up and down this will not happen. Oh no, says she, she isn’t taking him back. Isn’t this a pickle since she’s past the age of being grounded for lying?

Brie called Carls mom, to tell her what happened, the mom asked “Did B- die?” (the dad) Brie said “no.” L-(the mom) said “Shit.” Ha!

No L’s not a terrible person at all, she was just married to one. These guys inspire these kinds of feelings. The last time B—- was down is when he and Carl used together. That’s why L is extra furious with him right now.

I’m getting a wee bit calmer now. I meant to come and write last night, but I thought no, just wait until you’re calmer…Yeah, right. This morning I’ve dropped things, ran into things, knocked over things…until I figured I’d best get it off my chest.

Another reason I’m pissed is becuz after dipshit was transferred to Duluth (they thought he’d broken a vertebrae in his neck) he called Brie later for HELP. Becuz of course his stupid neck wasn’t broken and now (waaaa waaaa) he was stuck in Duluth. If Brie’d had a car she’d have prob. driven up to get him. So yeah, I’m pissed at Brie too.

My anger at her is tempered with understanding however. I did this same crap over her (bio) father. But I had no patience with myself, and it’s running out for Brie too. Hard to be mad at her though when she’s doing the very best she can and trying to do all the right things and be a wonderful mom-the only thing she’s doing wrong is trying to save a loser. Same damn thing I did. With the same hope.

It breaks my heart.

I wish now I’d have raised her to be a ball buster. With no heart or compassion.

Kinda hard though, that good stuff seems to be built right in her. Which scumballs can hone right in on. You ever notice that? Those sly ones they hone right in on the fact that you have a compassionate heart and know exactly how far to push you. After all they’ve had all their lives to practise.

I guess I should be glad Carl didn’t end up disabled and have Brie feel she’d have to take care of him forever. Oh I just LOVE that we get to be GLAD for all the crumbs in all this.

I’m just plain mad. At everything. Past and present.

I haven’t talked to Brie yet and I don’t really want to. REALLY don’t want to. I can just imagine what I’ll hear. I wouldn’t be one bit surprised if Carl found a way down here and was there. Not one bit. Then I’m afraid I’ll have to go beat the living shit out of him. He’s gotta be sore, oughta even it up a tetch don’t you think? Heh.

Hubs was so pissed when he heard how Brie heard about the accident I thought he’d lose it. I thought HE would go up to Duluth and kill Carl. We are so damn tired of this. So tired. I can’t, I cannot play understanding mom any more. I’m just as bad as her when it comes to hope, neither of us want to say die. But I’m old enough to know that all the hope in the world will not solve a certain thing. It’s important to keep hope, but don’t count on it to save anything other then your mind and soul. Funny, in rereading that it sounds bitter. But I don’t feel bitter when writing that, not even sad. It’s just a truth. Not a bad one either, I mean I hoped for so many things that today, I am so very thankful did not happen. Like unanswered prayers.

Sigh. Well at least I feel vented out. Still pissed but not violently. (for the moment) I am cold however, what-did it drop to freezing outside?! I am not, for the first time, looking forward to winter. -20, -30,-40 does not sound like an adventure this year. Merely tiresome crap to put up with.

Back. I went down to make some Russian Tea-which apparently I need to make some more of-so I am having Hot Choc. w/ marshmellows. To mellow me out dontcha know.

Speaking of mellowing me out, that would be Logan. *s* I babysat him last night while Brie got her hair cut. I went, picked them up, dropped Brie off and brought Logan home. Him was just a darling poophead who slept the whole time! *g* I went and picked Brie up, then she had supper with us. THEN Logan woke up,the minute we sat down to eat! *L* Have you ever seen it fail?

He’s getting so big, yes, more pic’s soon! I don’t see Carl at all in him. Maybe it’s wishful thinking but I see Chris. Also, I’ll tell you a little secret, I put in the night that, uh…well, that Chris and Brie went out, on the preg. due date calculator online-and Sept. 24th is the day that a baby concieved on that day would be born. Hm. Just happens to be the day Logan was born. Only thing is some of the nurses thought he was overdue from how he looked, etc. Sigh. We just won’t know until the test is taken.

Con’t…