…Cont’d

Ok, obviously I don’t like little games. They don’t excite me, they piss me off. I think it’s ridiculous. I haven’t had the time for them for one, and for another I have been through enough crap over the years. So I tend to nip anything in the bud I don’t like. But maybe I’ve gotten too hasty? Do I think I don’t have to go through anything else? I’ve done my share? *snort* That’s just bull. Shit happens to everyone all the time and any time.

No. It finally just became clear. No. I will NOT deal with that. I will not roll my eyes and think she’s pitiful. I’ll think she’s pitiful but I’ll do more then roll my eyes. Roll her eyes maybe. Heh.

Because you know what? Life’s too iffy. I’ve had my life turned up side down in an instant way too many times. And if that’s wrong, so be it. I bust my butt, trying to be calm and look at all sides and think things through in everything else. I don’t have to on this. Besides Steve (hubs) will take care of it. He can’t stand women like that. Oh he likes women just fine, *rolls eyes, he’s a man* but NOT trampy, take your man, etc. types. I swear she gets off on that. ???? Flirting w/ another man especially when he’s married or whatever. Because everytime the band went on break she zeroed in on hubs as he was walking towards me, I’d walk towards him and she’d leave the second I got there. What is up with that? It didn’t even register with me at first. I just thought she was being nice. (I know. Duh.) Then I wondered why she didn’t like me. THEN I realized. *L* And I thought I was HASTY? What a dork.

Like I said, women do flirt with Steve. He rarely notices, or thinks a thing of it. She’d have to put him in a headlock to make him realize for heavens sake. But he’ll notice now if she does and he’ll just be cool to her then-or knowing him, he’ll ask her flat out what she’s trying to pull. So I said I’m used to it, *but* it’s different this time, she’s not some woman somewhere, she’s in the band. Because before the band had girls that followed them around, and were annoying, but I didn’t get mad like this. Besides Steve is approachable. Everyone likes him and they will tell him their life story. That’s why he’s great at his job. Poor guy, he gets all the unhappy or just rotten customers because he calms them down and makes them happy. *L* Which is weird because he’s not your ‘chatty’ fellow. He’s quiet actually, very private, respectful. But he’s straight with you and really doesn’t pull any punches either. If the customer is mad, and he’s just being a jerk, Steve’ll just say, well that’s the way it is, or whatever. There’s no BS with him. Which is of course why they trust and like him. OK. *slaps head*

Put simply I think I’d die if anything ever happened to him, or us. He says the same. I mean that’s how it is right? I think about it all the time, I’ve lost a lot of people, had some upsetting times…I don’t take things for granted. Or if I do, I catch myself quick I can tell you that. I even feel fear when I realize it.

I never used to take life so seriously, and in some ways I don’t. I mean I don’t go around with a sad, serious fade. *snort* Quite the opposite. Maybe I don’t take life seriously as much as I take people, the people in mine specifically, seriously. And you know, it’s been mainly the four of us. Just Steve, me and the girls that went places and did stuff. I don’t see him much, he’s always worked a lot, when I do, I don’t share with just anyone! That sounds terrible and I’d like to say I’m kidding, but I’m not. Luckily he feels the same. BUT therein lies the rub. Other people just don’t do want you want them to, so now we’re out more, and well there ya go.

So you’ve heard my sad little tale. Don’t ask me why I spent so much time on it. I don’t know. It’s rather blissful to be able to actually, now that I think of it. I just hope to heaven I am not going through some midlife crises and now I’m going to pounce on Steve looking for lipstick stains for heavens sake. Then he will be pissed. As I would be if he did that.

Nah, it’s okay right? I can be a jealous, protective wench once in awhile huh? Why am I so worried? Well the fact that my ex husband would be so jealous that he either beat up the guy or went after me, prob. has something to do with it. And both my dad and brothers are very possessive (but no they don’t beat on people).

That’s just not who I want to be.

Thanks for listening to me figure out I’m not. Now I’ll just go put my guts back in. *w*