Beware If They Come In Twos

Our first-ever family reunion was a HUGE success and (with the exception of my older brother and his wife) there was nothing but love and laughter (and fantastic eating and uh…just more than a few libations) for five days. Upon their arrival, brother and sister-in-law tried to dump their family emotional baggage, seek allegiances, and force sides among all of us. Too much “Survivor” watching I surmised. But none bought in and they came off the worse for their attempts.

While there is much to tell, I’ll relate this pre-reunion tale first.

I was mowing grass after work the day before the reunion was to start and the wife came to the back yard to stop me and announced, “Bobby is here and he wants to see you.” Bobby is my daughter’s boyfriend of nearly three years. He was sitting on the edge of the sofa and I took my position in my recliner. The wife asked if she should leave the room and I told her that was up to Bobby. Bobby responded by asking her to stay.

Of all the boys/men my 28 year-old daughter has dated, Bobby is my favorite – indeed the entire family’s favorite. He is a gentle and kind man with a tremendous work ethic, a good job, and good values. My two sons count him among their best friends. He worships my daughter and she him in return. They are good to and for each other.

So I was not surprised when he rather timidly declared how much he appreciated being accepted so readily into our family and how comfortable he felt with us. He then declared how much he loved my daughter and he would like to join our family permanently if I would grant him permission to marry her.

Old school tradition you say? You bet. But it denotes a respectfulness I admire. Was it necessary? Absolutely not. Had I refused permission he would have asked her anyway of course and if my Femi-Nazi daughter had learned that I had refused permission she would have told me to go fuck myself (in her own words – which may have been the very same ones).

Over the years I had wondered if the man she was to marry would be of the ilk to ask me. I at times prepared for such a suitor and always imagined using the stereotypical response, “That is my little girl and if you’re not good to her I’ll kick your ass.” Or words to that that affect. But I know Bobby well enough to know that would be totally unnecessary to say. Instead I said something like this, “That is my only daughter and I love her like no other person in this world. She is independent, opinionated, and strong-willed. Can you handle that?” I know he can because I’ve seen him. Although kind, gentle, and patient, he will not let her roll over him (as she did with others and then lost interest in them – for allowing that I am sure, at least subconsciously). He stands up to her and chooses his battles carefully. To my knowledge they were the right battles and to my knowledge he won the all and to my knowledge he should have won them all. He is both a strong and loving man. I could not have picked better for her myself.

His response to my question of his ability was a quick, “Yes, sir.”

“Well then…” I said, “…if you finish cutting my grass now I will grant my permission.”

Shit – no reason to make it that easy for him. I think I should get something out of this other than just a really good son-in-law you know.

Bobby loosened up and laughed, asking if he could take a rain check on that since his girlfriend didn’t know where he was and I knew how independent, opinionated, and strong willed she could be. He will come back to do that soon, however. I’ll not have to remind him either. It is how he is.

So…permission granted – welcoming into the family – hugs, handshakes, kisses by the wife and her questions following all that: When did he expect to propose? (The following evening – first night of the family reunion). When did he expect to marry? (NOT during football season he and I agree; therefore, likely in the spring of 2009).

Two weddings within the year then for us. Number 2 son in August in St. Lucia; daughter in the spring. Cha-ching!!

As Bobby was leaving to meet his soon-to-be fiance, I told him that when I heard he was here to speak to me I knew if could only be for one of two reasons. Without hesitation, he said, “If it had been that other reason, I would not have come alone.”

Smart man.

Next episode – the proposal.