How Many Government Workers Does It Take To…

I’m in my thirty-fifth year of government employment. Twenty-four with the feds; eleven with the state. I’m used to the frequent barbs delivered about sucking off the government tit and used to hearing the degrading jokes about government employees’ capabilities and performances in general – especially from my bar buddies – most of whom are lawyers. Doesn’t bother me one bit. Lord knows I have enough lawyer digs and jokes with which to counter to last my lifetime.

But sometimes, we earn what we get. And here is a classic example of earning the stereotype:

I maintain a monthly report on the status of various projects and distribute same to project managers as it’s updated. Our organization has two physical locations (two separate buildings down the street from one another). Not long ago, one of our project managers moved from this location I’m in, to the building down the street. Not long after I had distributed this report, I received the forwarded message that follows. This is the authentic message and only the names and numbers have been changed to protect the idiocy.

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From: Rachel Diggs
Sent: Wednesday, May 30, 2007 11:17 AM
To: John Curtis; Matt Davis
Cc: Tiffany Hebert
Subject: mail

There was a Project Tracking Status Request report from Phaedrus in our mail box for Matt.
For now, I put it in your mail box. Do you want me to bring it back to Judy for them to send it to him at the ISB or how do you want to handle it?
Rachel M. Diggs
OTM Network Services
150 North Street
Baton Rouge, LA 70811
ph: 225.377.5555
fax: 225.377.5555
email: rachel.diggs@la.gov
________________________________________
From: Tiffany Hebert
Sent: Wednesday, May 30, 2007 11:18 AM
To: Rachel Diggs; John Curtis; Matt Davis
Subject: RE: mail

Phaedrus should be informed that his mail should be placed in a messenger envelope address to him at ISB.

Tiffany Hebert – Administrative Program Specialist
OTM/Personnel/Payroll,
Safety, Mail & Messenger Services
Phone – (225) 377-5555 Fax – (225) 377-5555
e-mail – tiffany.hebert@la.gov
________________________________________
From: John Curtis
Sent: Wednesday, May 30, 2007 12:34 PM
To: Phaedrus
Subject: FW: mail

Maybe you were out the day Jane announced it, but Matt Davis now resides in the ISB.

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STATEMENT OF THE PROBLEM: I pitched a piece of mail in the wrong cubby hole in the distribution bin. The correct cubby hole was less than six inches away.

GOVERNMENT SOLUTION: Rachel, Administrative Assistant (formerly known as secretary), discovers the heinous error and takes immediate action by taking the item from the distribution area back to her desk and sends the problem notification email to the mail recipient’s boss, John, for guidance and proposed resolution….even offering to involve another Division Administrative Assistant, Judy, (also formerly known as secretary). Being as sharp as a marble, Rachel thought to include the actual proposed recipient, Matt, and the Division’s human resources/payroll/safety/mail queen/parking lot monitor professional, Tiffany, as addressees too. Tiffany, puts on her mail queen crown and informs them all that I, Phaedrus, should be instructed on how to address an envelop. Boss man John takes a risk and includes me in the discussion, providing me with critical information for problem resolution, empowering me to have a hand in this monumental undertaking.

MY RESOLUTION: Call a meeting. Form a committee to study the problem. Conduct Division-wide training after the committee’s report is rendered.

Told you I’ve been in government a long time.

NOTE: Be advised no actual telephone was harmed (or used) in the course of these proceedings. Nor was there any dreaded personal contact within the physical 200 foot radius of all employees involved in the making of this entry (except Matt…who was down the street).