Thanks to Scotty Peterson – Thanks a Lot!!
I had to stop by the bank on the way to work this morning. I mean its February the 14th and all. I had to empty my Valentines Club account. Fortunately I learned years ago that this holiday needed special long-term financial preparation. Of course, as with most every lesson I ever learned about wimmin, I learned the hard way.
I remember the old days in my youth when all that was required was enough punch-out cards of your favorite cartoon character to ensure all in the class received one. You always tried to pick one out that was just a little bit more special than all the others and give that one to the girl in the class who for some reason you were too nervous to ever talk to but never understood why. Instead, you would let her beat you at tetherball during recess and give her a sock on the arm when she did to show your respect and admiration. You always hoped she would notice that her valentine was different than the rest you handed out. You wanted her to notice that it was special just as she was. She never did though.
Then came junior high. The class exchange was gone and if you were lucky enough to have a girlfriend or were brave enough to try to woo one this special day, a store-bought card was in order. If you were really on your game, a single flower symbolizing the oneness of you and her together forever was a cool move. It didnt matter that she stood a full foot taller to you (as was the norm at this age), she was your love of life and you knew it would always be so.
Then came high school. Girls caught on. Big time. The days of a card and maybe a single flower were gone forever. Your love and devotion were completely measured by the quality, quantity, and expense of what you provided. The secret here was to one-up your girlfriends best friend(s)s boyfriend. As long as you went at least one step beyond the others boyfriend(s), you were sitting pretty. Fail and you were in the dumper until you could take her to Aruba for Easter. Finding that one step beyond was the trick. By now, the MINIMUM included a dozen roses AND a hugh box of candy in a red heart-shaped box. We all knew that. I pretty much broke even at least in three out of four of my high school years with a jewelry piece of some sort, but that damn Scotty Peterson blew us all away (and we beat him up for it after school one day) in our Senior year. Motherfucker took his girl on a Prom-like dinner date at one of the most expensive restaurants in Miami (plus the minimum of flowers and candy of course). Scottys girlfriend was the queen of the girl squad and the envy of them all the next day. Our girlfriends berated us for obviously not loving them at all, wondering why we could not be more like Scotty. [You mean have a black eye and split lip too? we all could ask the following morning]
Then came college. The best Valentines years. It was the sixties. Material things were passé. It was cool to be a broke college student and we competed to be the brokest the one who struggled the most. I was VERY competitive in these days, making tomato soup on my hot plate from Burger King ketchup packages was my signature meal. College wimmin seemed to honor and respect broke guys for the sacrifices they were willing to make to get a college degree and/or thumb your nose at the establishment man. In order to parlay this admiration into a successful Valentines experience you only needed one additional ingredient. Beer. Get the money together to take your girl out for a few pitchers of beer and you were her idol (uh that would be Timothy Leary-like). She would love you all night long for that. God I miss being in college in the sixties.
Then came marriage. Holy Moly. Talk about up the ante. I made the mistake of thinking I could revert back to the days of innocence when love really meant something. When love consistently made you sick to your stomach every day. I went back to the sweetness and sincerity of providing a store-bought card and a single flower symbolizing the oneness of me and my wife together forever. I reverted back to junior high. My wife SENT me back to junior high, explaining that I obviously needed to be pretty much entirely reeducated. It seems now that if you are romantic 364 days a year, but fuck up today, all those attaboys are forever erased for one oh shit today. I mean I could put a flower on her pillow as I turned the bed down for her every night (ok I would never do that but you get the point), but that would not mean shit if I didnt get it right today. Whatever right is. And right keeps changing or Im just too stoopid to figure it out. I mean after my debacle with the single rose, Valentines has always included a big box of fine chocolates before I leave for work in the morning, flowers delivered at her work place, some jewelry item when we both get home from work, fine dining, and theater or movie tickets. This seemed to work for over thirty years. But last year I failed. It was announced to me last year that SOME husbands actually loved their wives so much that they personally delivered their wives flowers at the workplace. I, on the other hand, just had them impersonally delivered. [Silly me, I thought dodging the delivery fee would be considered a sign of cheapness.] If I REALLY loved her, I would take the time and make the effort to bring her flowers to her at work.
Well Im not. I say its time to draw the line somewhere.
Gotta go Im doing some price comparisons between a new Volvo and two weeks in Aruba.
That fucking Scotty Peterson
Good luck to all you guys out there today.
You’re getting it all wrong! Toys, toys, toys! (plus a card and flowers).
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At the risk of risking ridicule and being called a big liar, personally, I don’t think about Valentine’s Day like that, and actually never have. Getting flowers at work was a HUGE deal for me, and I was always touched by it. A single flower and a card though sounds very sweet and heartfelt, and I would have loved something like that.
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There were a lot of sweet parts to this entry, by the way.
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Don’t let BBTL mislead you, jewelry is always a winner. (But the toys rocked the hizzle!)
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Good grief — I wish I’d known all those rules. Maybe they hadn’t reached Canada yet? Maybe I just never had a boyfriend? (I seem to have skipped dating and gone right to the married part.) Anyway.. I’m not a big fan of Valentine’s Day and a single flower and turned down bed even once a year — any day — would be a huge winner with me.
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I can only speak for my own self but I would take the junior high treatment on any day of the year that is NOT valentine’s day or my birthday and be a happy camper. Just saying….
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You got it right buddy. A friend and I were talking today – this is the day that downright SCARES men! They HATE this day and drag they’re feet through it. Really kind of funny…
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I sometimes think Valentine’s Day is Torture Day for men. I just don’t buy into all the stuff. It’s the day to day stuff that’s important to me. Anyone can do the one-day thing.
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LOL at BBTL and Kate! Maybe it’s because I rarely had a special someone on Valentine’s Day, but I never got sucked into the hype. Aside from the cartoon cards in elementary school, anyway. I’d rather have someone be romantic 364 days of the year and forget V. Day than the other way around.
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Jewelry, flowers, dinner out, and truffles from the best chocolatier in the world, all combined, of course, work for me!
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Not all girls are up for jewelry. I hardley ever wear jewelry, so any time I have gotten it as a gift, even the nice peices, I look at the man like he’s an ass. I mean, if he knew me at all he would know to buy me a nice pen, rather than a diamond. The ‘right’ thing on V-day is figuring out what makes your girl special, and accentuating that.
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I guess I’m another oddball. I never expect or want anything on V day. I want to just feel love all year. No special gifts required. Although JT used to get me strawberries in mid-winter when that was hard to do. Take care,
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Ah, the very reasons I don’t do the Hallmark holidays! There’s no gift in the world like the one you weren’t obligated to buy…the one you got for no other reason than just because. However, I must acknowledge, you broke this thing down like a champ!
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would that i could send you a scone……..and a beer on this holiday 🙂
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I’m good to go on this Valentine’s Day after reading this. You made me laugh and laugh. Thank you!!! I just hope you get lucky tonight. Oh, wait…you’re not in college any longer. Love,
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Jewelry. Does the trick, every time. 🙂
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RYN: I thought for sure I had your email address in my contacts but I don’t. Send me sumpin’ brutha!
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I had a FANTASTIC V day…I got a card and my kids gave me some conversation hearts. After the kids went to bed, hubby and I sat on the couch and watched tv, the key was, he put his arm around me and played with my hair the whole time. I felt special. Sure, “stuff” is always good, I LOVE stuff, but I’d rather be loved..not feared for not making the right choice on what to buy.
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RYN: Yes, I got the idea to write my story after reading yours…it made me think of how sweet he can be sometimes and I thought I’d share that instead of always bashing him.
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We decided that it was too much pressure so we woke up on the 14th kissed each other, made wicked love and went on our merry ways until dinner when we split a piece of chocolate cakes…nice, easy, romantic, painless…then his daughter came in with cards for both of us and we had to scramble behind her back to paint a card and stick some candy in it and we hid it in the fridge for her to find.
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RYN: yes, but then who would be chaperoning YOU???
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RYN: Nope. Not kidding. I’m a fool for a nice fountain pen. I’ve got a couple Waterman’s here at work as well… :}
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ryn: depends on what it is you prefer me to be wearing…I could wear one of my own or you could bring something if you want to coordinate our outfits. But who says that the crime we’d be fighting would require any outfits at all? 😉
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ryn: I agree. All relationships are a balance of the good and bad. If it was all romance and lovey-dovey all the time, it would get old really quick, wouldn’t it? Every relationship needs a healthy dose of surprise and drama or we lose our appreciation of them. And yes, you are very eloquent…I love reading your stories.
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RYN: At least you had meat, Batman! I had dumbbells and a treadmill with no side dishes at all. Well, the 20-something trainer is a dish but I didn’t partake [dammit]. Love,
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RYN: It’s sausage, made with chicken and apples rather than pork and…whatever they usually put in sausage. It’s not a little dinky breakfast link, either, but more like a bratwurst.
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RYN: The “REALLY love me” thing is a little joke between us: he says that if I REALLY loved him, I’d peel him grapes and feed them to him every night. But then, you knew it was a joke, right?
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ryn: awwwwww…the flower is so sweet….but a long straw leading to an iced keg would really rock my socks.
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ryn: I would love for you to refer me to some other ideas of yours. I’m always open to suggestions…including leather…LOL
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RYN: you give good notes.
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ryn: Hey! Iused that approach when we first met. I think I said “Hi! I’m Admiral Jeffe Jefferson…I’d be glad to meat you!”
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your wife is a smart women.
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that should be womAn…unless you have more than one wife in which case you better be richer than donald trump.
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Here’s to wishing my husband learned in Junior High. A single flower would be preferable to bath soaps, which seem to say so eloquently, “You smell. Go bathe.”
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Valentines Day was always a neat thing growing up. But I hated it too because I wasn’t a popular gal. And that pretty much carried all the way through high school. And I wasn’t lucky enough to marry an overly romantic man so it’s just not a huge deal in the house. I’m ok with that. 99% of the time. The other 1% I’d love to be pampered and adored.
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i cought the link from Pandora and this entry cought my eye. i feel what your saying in the last long paragraph. it all goes to hell on one “oh crap”, get mutliples of them and you really in the dog house. after a while, you cant dig out of the hole, espically if she dosent let you.
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