uneasy happiness

i struggle just to let happy be what it is supposed to be.  i want to spend my happy time in worry over what might happen next. i work at staying in focus when i feel happy.  it’s a good job if you can get it.  loads of percs.
i have been trying to live a month without bitching or complaining.  or gossipingin-eening or otherwise making myself an asshat.  i am working at just being happy. 
a day ago i had to restore my bad-assed phone back to factory settings and then download my last backup for my phone up there in icloud land.  and my grandchild is very talented.  and lucky that she sort of sucks at crashing a phone.  i sat in a chair in the kitchen watching my phone try to get back up on it’s feet.  it was not happening.  i asked myself what could happen next.  regarding the phone, that is….. and i realized what my friend linda says is true.  bitching or yelling about something normally changes nothing.  course she used better grammar than i did when she said it.  i just like to fuck with other people’s grammar.

MY gratitudes right now

spending just enough time to be ready to come home at jenn and lolly’s house.
hugging hannah some everyday.
getting to know that new boy in lolly’s life.  he continues to grow on me.