58 Sleeps

I have been feeling a bit stressed out of late. I think it’s just really starting to get at me. We don’t have much money at the moment, due it all going on the down payment for the house and land, then of course this time we don’t have money every bill that could show up has come in. I never really stress about money but I hate not paying it on time. I know I need to think of the positive and think about how we are going to have a house at the end of it, I’m really trying I am. Plus I still need to pay the last part of the holiday, which is due on Thursday/Friday next week I’m hoping some how it all comes together, which means it goes by what hours Matt has worked in the last fortnight. I think it’s going to be a close one only because Matt came home last Thursday and went back to Taiwan on Monday night. He was needed at home.

My grandfather died last Tuesday. Why yes I did feel sad, I don’t as much now. I didn’t even know the man. October last year was the first time I had saw him in 18 years. Very sad that my side of the family is like that but there isn’t a great deal that I can do about it. Thats why Matt came home, was nice to have him here even if it was for the wrong reasons. Mum and Pete where only here, but on holiday and as timing had it Pop passed away. Maybe I’m just feeling like I have a empty nest? The house was full of people and now it’s just back to us and I do feel very lonely.

Yep I think that is the problem I’m just lonely.

School has been ok, I missed a week and a bit, but I went yesterday and have somewhat caught up on everything. I have a exam soon and I’m not looking forward it. I hate exams. Just the word exam trips me out and I always think I’m going to fail. A lot of that comes from my father and in his years him telling me I’m nothing and that I will never be anything better. No school today as some people are doing there assigements to the teacher and mine isn’t till next Friday. Monday no classes because its’s a public holiday here. I’m so very muchly looking forward to Tuesday, back to normal for me, back to school with full classes. Something to fill my days with. I’m really enjoying school, and I look forward to it everyday. I really do hate it when the weekend comes. I didn’t ever think I say that……..

Yep still think the problem is me being lonely.

I’m in two minds as to what will happen when the house is finished being built. I’m personally not sure if I want Megan to come with us. I do but heads with her a bit, with more so little things like cleaning and gardening. I find that I have to take on the mothering role with her to have her pull her weight around the house. For a woman that is older then me, I would like to think that yes she would use her head and clean up after herself. It’s not that much to ask of her right?

I just can’t wait for May, I really need a break away with just Matt and I…..58 sleeps and counting.