Bits of my Mind

My Birthday has come and gone again. So am I meant to feel any different because I really don’t. I don’t do Birthdays anymore in the end it only ends up in disappointment for me. I think I want to much maybe that’s why I hurt so much from it. The best thing about my day? Finding 5 cent pieces all over the house, it was nice to know that Nanna was here.

We finally went and booked a Holiday. Amazing I know, and I can’t wait to go. We are going to Phuket, Penang and Singapore. Yeah I know it looks a little backwards as we are going to Phuket first? Looking to relax first and then go crazy shopping in Penang and Singapore. We spent a little bit more and went with the Holiday Inn resort in Phuket and I really think that is going to pay off! I want to be able to relax and enjoy my time. So that is my gift to Matt and I. We leave July 26th and I’m on a count down. Callum is half coming with us, he is going to be meeting my Mum in Singapore and going back with her to Penang to have some Grandma and Grandson time away together.

Gee I have been negative of late. Feeling a bit down I have to say maybe its this time of year? I really didn’t want to do Christmas this year. I just want to stay in bed and hope that it passes over and that I wouldn’t have to worry about it. But I don’t think that is going to  happen. Maybe its because I’m older now and Christmas meaning just isn’t the same? It wasn’t till this week that we put up a tree and at that it was Matt who did it. Maybe it’s because Matt has been away and it just doesn’t feel the same way? I’m not sure but next year I have to make some effort, I have to do it for Callum.

I have been feeling really run down, and dare i say depressed, lately. I don’t know what has been causing it, whether it’s stress hormones or boredom with life in general, but i have just been feeling really blah. I have no motivation to do anything, i just want to lay in bed all day. I have had several nanna-naps over the past week during the day and i just feel flat. Again I guess it could just be my way of how to deal with everything.

Maybe that’s why I’m holding so much on this Holiday? I just want to feel some what normal. I wish that we could have gone sooner but in the back of mind I keep thinking how nice would be to come home pregnant. I couldn’t think of a better way to bring a baby into the family then to be wanted and made while her parents where relaxing overseas and enjoying eachother.

Maybe this is a dream??