Maybe Later

The other day, we headed out to Samsons furniture to look at beds and couchs with Matt’s sister Megan. She is thinking about moving and will need a new bed and a couch and more items. Having looked right around at everything with Callum wanting to sit on very chair and couch, I went to look at the beds. I found a really nice, big king size mattress to have a lay down on. I must say, by that time it really was heaven. I must have been laying down for all of two mintues, when I feel that a little somebody is climbing on at the end. He came up and put his head on my shoudler and cuddled right into me. I hear a very big sigh, coming from him like he is almost ready for a afternoon nap. We just layed on the bed for a while. It was nice to just have a cuddle with my little man. He lifts his head up and moves his body so that he is looking at me. Without much more my shirt is over my head and not only can I feel but I can hear rasberries!! Not long after that, he wanted boobies. So all the people of Samsons furniture got to see my son giving me belly rasberries but also my boobies, how lucky are they?

It’s been a fairly good week so far. I still feel that I may have o-ed, but yet Im still not sure. So now Im sitting pretty thinking to myself, I could be pregnant, but I bet Im not. I know that everything has to be just right and perfect for it to happen, but I will so over trying to get pregnant, I just want it to happen now. I promise after this, no more babies, just one more is all that I ask for. . . . . . . . . . Ok so maybe when Im 30 I bet I would like one more…shhh lets not just let  fate know that  right now.

I can’t wait for Matt to go back to work. I really love having him around, but now he is just starting to give me the shits. I believed that I didn’t have any peace time when it was just Callum and I, but hey I spoke to soon. He has really great days where he will just do his thing and I do mine. But lately he won’t leave me alone. I need some alone time. Im not asking for much, just a hour, hell I’ll settle for half an hour who am I kidding? I just need time to think and open my mind, and I find it really hard when he is around me 24/7 looking over my shoulder all the time. I know that his heart is in the right place. It’s not that long now, if anything it shouldn’t be anymore then month away now. By the time the medial is done, and then for the Doctor to ring Vestsa and to get back to Matt. I’m hoping mid feb.

The hardest thing to let go of is expectations, the expectations of the people you love. At that, it is the little things that make the difference and why can’t family just understand how special this time is supposed to be in our lives and actually want to be apart of that? Once again Mum and Pete arn’t coming down to see us. I know that I shouldn’t have my nose out of place, but still it would be nice if they would just come and see us. I hate the fact we always have to go and see them. Really tho, who am I kidding, she won’t come and vist and see how we live our life. I know that in the long run it is she who is missing out. I can say that same for my father, who never called to say happy birthday or merry chirstmas yet for him I let it go under the fire of feelings. I know I expect more of Mum because she expects more of me, so I only thinks that its fair if I have feelings of hurt. I am torn between being really emotional right now and being rather angry that they all have to start their crap right now. I’m trying to find a moment in everyday, a period of time for me to focus on myself, for relaxation, and spirituality. I find that hard when she is negative all the time. From what I can tell they arnt coming because they are painting again. No more can be said about that…

I dont think this entry is finished, yet I need to go, so I may come back later..