To Call Again

I’m lonely. I want and need some female interaction so I can feel normal. However Matt’s friends all have girlfriends, but they are all at that stage of life, "give me drugs", "I wana go drinking" blah blah blah. What I would really like is a small group of mums who are nice, open minded and on top of it all are caring. I have been searching, internet googling. I haven’t found much. I did find a Vicotria playgroups website with 11 playgroups within the Portland area. Perfect?  It now  means that I have to ring someone.  Someone who I don’t know and I have ask questions that they know answer too and get all shitty about.  One of my silly irrational fears that I have is making phone calls. Even to friends, I don’t really know why but I stress and think about it for ages (sometimes days) before doing it. I’m okay when people call me, just don’t like calling them – I get consumed with what I might be interrupting or whatever…. I know it’s silly, but it’s one of those things.

So I have been putting off calling this group for over a  week now,  with silly little reasons because that’s what I do.  Anyway, today I  finally just bit the bullet and called her and it just rang and rang. I got call diverted to her message bank. Maybe she is away or down the street? i don’t know. But in my head I had it all worked out. I would call, she would be nice, and answer my 100 and 1 questions, and then once I knew where and what time they met I would go and stalk it out. But now I have to try again all the while I have a heart rate that goes through the roof as I’m  dialling and then i’ll sit there with a dry mouth and a rapid heart beat and not know what to say. I just sit there nervously until they pick up and try to not sound too shaky.  On the flip side, I really want to make new friends and go to playgroup. Callum also needs some little people his age to play with. He has grown up with going to playgroup and loves to be able with children. Well he would play when the evil playgroup kids would want to play with him.  A lot of our playgroup days where spent with Callum in my lap and sitting by ourself. Why did we ever go right?
 
 I may try to call back tomorrow, but knowing me it will take me another week to work myself up to call again.