Life is complete and timeless

 …Repeatedly bring yourself back to yourself and  then, from within this present self-awareness, realize that instead of being connected to the "you" who is always struggling to get something, hoping to become someone, trying to resolve things — surrender yourself to the understanding that the whole issue of who you are is already resolved.  Let go and know that Life is complete, timeless, and so are you. Do not go into imagination.  The self you imagine will be a secret extension of the self you wish to escape.  Everything you need to pray, to wake up, to be new is right there with you without having to "create" it….

From "The Lost Secrets of Prayer by Guy Finley

I found this passage in a book lying on top of a box in the hallway, and which is one of many unread books in my collection.  In my storage system in which I don’t have nearly enough shelf space, I put those books I plan to read soon on top of the boxes so they won’t be out of sight.  Then I can pick them up and read them whenever I want ( or at least flip through the pages and imagine what it would be like to read it from beginning to end).

The above lines just happened to catch my attention and they seemed to tap into a state of mind or feeling I have had about prayer and meditation lately.  I don’t spend time at this like I should, instead catching moments of quiet, contemplative bliss in brief increments on my walks out with my camera.  I can’t even lie in bed and just think.  My mind seems to always be so full of thoughts and things I want to read or look into, filled up also with desires and wants and perceived "needs."   Rarely does any of that come to fruition.    The hardest task in the world is trying to resolve things in your mind once and for all.    As Finley says, I feel like I am in a state of constant incompleteness.   I am trying to become, even at my age, someone I maybe imagine I should be, rather than accept this person that I am and always have been.  No continuous cycles of regret.   I should be past that.   Life is indeed complete.  If I constantly want something, or perceive some need that is "necessary" to fulfill me or complete me as a human being, I am trapped in that loop of continuous neediness and desire, pushed back by repression, reasserted again with guilt and anxiety, then repressed once again.

The question is, How does one actually let go of the past or the present and realize that all one needs for happiness is already there?  It doesn’t have to be something I need to find or create, only to have to rediscover and recreate it later.   Instead of sin, fear, guilt, repression, hope, confidence, courage and expression of my true self shoud prevail, that self I am constantly running away from in hopes that some other self or way of life or imaginary person will make me happy or complete.  

I know that when I wake up in the morning, the slate will be washed clean and I am free to start over again, just as the sun rises and sets.