A party

Next Saturday I will be faced with a conundrum: whether to go to a party at the home of a co-worker.

I like this person and find him to be one of the most interesting people I have ever met. And that is an understatement. There are other adjectives I could use, but will refrain. He is very sociable and is the only person in our whole department who would even consider having a party and inviting co-workers. The last time we had such a gathering was three years ago, I believe. Does this tell you something about parties, and especially “work” parties?

I went then and I had an okay time. But there is something about parties and get-togethers of groups of a dozen or more people that strikes some deep and primordial fear and loathilng in me. I remember from my early teen years, and later, the awful feelings of awkwardness. People trying to be natural and at ease and putting on these false fronts of having a good time. Meantime, I am slinking to the periphery, nursing a Coke while others get drunk or mildly sloshed or “pleasantly” inebriated. I won’t have it. If that’s what it takes to tolerate such functions, leave me out. I want my mind to be clear, as clear as it can be, that is.

It’s not that I don’t like socializing. I just like one-to-one encounters. Or small groups. I don’t like to make small talk for the sake of surviviing in a social setting. I don’t the artificiality and the faking and posturing. Even if it’s with people you know well and work with every day.

Ugh!!

Au Contraire!

April 20, 2002

I prefer small groups, too. But I’d still recommend going. This guy might be able to pull together a more interesting atmosphere…and hey, once every few years isn’t so bad. (Hopefully not, anyway.)

Soft Paws

I’m with you, Oswego, big parties really are not my cup of tea. Dinner with a few friends or family that I know well and am comfortable with but not big affairs. Yet, perhaps you should give it a try…you can always leave if it gets too uncomfortable. Humans are social creatures and all of us need human contact. Your friend, Freewind

Simply Lora

Make a brief appearence and they you can take your leave early if things are not as you wish. I always have a stand by appointment if things don’t work out. I am like you in that I don’t like to be in large crowds with people who are drinking. Give yourself and out so that you may go if you wish to use it.

Edelweis

Yes, I understand your feelings dear friend! But if this co-worker is such a nice person who you like…! Noone can make you stay longer than you want! And who knows, maybe it turns out real nice and cosy! You will never know if you stay home! Take care,

“But there is something about parties…that strikes some deep and primordial fear and loathilng in me.” I had to smile at that line; you were inside my head. 🙂 Most of the time I can cope with being ‘on the outer’ but parties and the like just evoke the starkest sense of loneliness and longing. Was it you who wrote something about the worst loneliness being found in a room full of people?

But having said that, we ARE social animals. I’d suggest not thinking about it – to minimise expectations. Then GO but have a special treat on standby to ease the disappointment if it doesn’t work out. Who knows, it may prove to be one of those rare surprises! Good luck. 🙂

I intensely loathe large social functions that involve people I work with and I avoid these social functions like the plague.

Sago

I’m not at ease with the small talk circuit either, nor the drinking for fun–a glass of wine is enjoyable to me, a beer, that’s it. A coke is fine. I’d like to have an in-depth conversation with a person who has similar interests. A story-swapper is good, too. I don’t go to any parties I dread nowadays…only comfy ones. Know where you’re coming from, tho I think I’m more social perhaps

I really don’t like parties or gatherings…even with family I get stressed.

Ugh! I hate them too. I would rather have a root canal than have 25 nonsensical conversations with people I barely know. I’d rather sit down over a cup of coffee (or tea) and have a real talk with one, two or three of them. Did you go, I wonder?

GeekPoet

April 22, 2002

i’m there with you man. i hate social settings. i like one-on-one or a group of friends, but i loathe the party scene

sigh. I love parties. I love to give parties. And i worry about each person i invite and try to make the event something he or she will enjoy. I find that in bigger groups it is easier to move away from those whose company you don’t enjoy… very difficult in an intimate setting, and easier to find someone you do. I go to parties with goals in mind.(i will meet five new people and then go, or c)

I will learn about this issue or find someone to discuss that book with.) I think of inviting people to my home, whether they are co workers or neighbors, as giving them the gift of knowing me in my own environment. Maybe if you think of it that way, you will relax and be able to enjoy the harvest of people as they ripen. Bad metaphor, but you will get it.

forever in motion

April 26, 2002

I am 500% in agreement with you here. Really 🙂