Late at night

At long last it has come to me. This is what I will write about: the middle of the night. What shall I call it? The still of the early morining hours? The reverential hush of deepest eventide?

It has been raining off and on for the past hour, a teasing sort of rain that has provided the only sounds out my window as I sit here reading and typing.

Rain — that rare phenomenon in our area for so long now. I have noticed a curious thing related to this drought: no one complains about the weather much anymore. Or so it seems. If it is gray and drizzling and dreary, we see it as an opportunity for more rain. Bleakness has become possibility in the darkened skies. The hoped-for possibility for an end to this drought.

I think at late hours like this, I exist in a kind of in-between realm. I am awake and alert, but ready to shut down and go to bed at any time. But only if I have to.

It’s a quarter to three, and a car has just noisily come to a stop in a parking place, a door has shut, and the spell of an empty, quiet night has just been momentarily broken. But it is now quiet again. Mercifully. There is nothing so obtrusive and annoying as loud cars at this impossibly late hour.

I tell people I am a creature of the night, a night person who thrives on staving off sleep so that he can cram in one more hour of reading or listening to music. As one who has had a lifetime of trouble sleeping, this nightly battle to stay up is an ongoing one, as familiar, and even as comfortable and ritualistic as my morning routines at the start of a new day.

That new day is only hours away, but light years, also, because these moments I am experiencing now will seem very distant and hazy in the light of day.

When I say that I am a night person, I say that I like the multitude of quiet possibilities that exist — the subtle gradations of mystery and yearning that can only come when there is no other sound or activity to interfere with thought and meditation. And, in winter, there are no crickets chirping just outside in the dewy grass, much as I love that sound. There is often no wind to stir the bare trees. There is just stillness. Continuous and deep.

Yes, I miss the dawns. When I have at last surrendered to the necessity of sleep, I do not get to know the miraculous beginning of the day that lies just ahead. I rush about to get ready for work, daylight greeting me.

But I don’t think I want to change these routines very much. The late night seems to have no end sometimes, offering a glimpse of immortality, while the time just before dawn is filled with a subtle kind of restlessness, the feeling that it will not last, and that harsher light will soon replace the subtle tints of the sunrise.

Late at night, one has the feeling of being the only one still awake. The lone holdout. The sentiinel in the night — watchful, listening, tired, but unaware of being tired until the mind clamors for some respite from the world of consciousness. It wants time to itself in the land of dreams and altered reality.

Sleep is precious, blissful. I know it. But I don’t know it. For those for whom slumber is an easeful release from consciousness, savor the gift. To those like myself who strive to extract every last bit of wakefulness from the night, be patient and tolerant. We are “of the night” and yield its mysteries only with great reluctance, and, finally, sheer exhaustion.

I love staying up all night. Which is good, since I can’t sleep anyway. And even though I feel as if I’m the only person awake. . .I rarely feel so alone at night as I do during the day. Strange. It rained much the same way you described here on the beach tonight. . . .

Edelweis

I also think the late night seems to have no end :o) offering a glimpse of immortality. It’s so true! I can easily relate to these thoughts, and the subtle kind of restlessness before dawn, the feeling that it will not last…It sounds so familiar. You express this so well and beautiful! And the rush to get ready for work?? Ah, I am worse! after my shower I manage to sit “again” on the pc,

“talk” for a “few minutes” on IM, eat breakfast, prepare coffee, check mail and read an entry…oh my…and then rush to school. Take care!

I am your opposite….10 pm is late for me and I am always awake before dawn. You make me think I am missing something important 🙂

The last few weeks have found me wandering my apartment at 2 or 3 am. Unable to fall back asleep but too tired to do anything. It’s rarely quiet though, living in a city has its drawbacks.

Freewind

February 21, 2002

Oh, how well I know this feeling, my friend, but I usually rise at 2 or 3am and relish the hushed quiet just before dawn and then see the dawn break. I am nocturnal and always have been. Like you, I love being that way. This is a marvelous entry, Oswego! I enjoy your writings so much. Thank you!

Shi

I tend to wake up very early, so savor that ‘middle of the night’ feeling, then greet the dawn.

This entry is a rare glimpse into the soul of you. Interestingly enough, I woke up in the middle of the night and read this (I would have been your first noter) but couldn’t think of a single “right” thing to say…still can’t, but even so I wanted you to know that this entry touched something deep inside of me.

I’ve traded those still hours of wakefullness for dawn and an early morning walk. But your entry is tempting me back. Ah…if only I had the stamina to enjoy both.

When my children were babies, when they got me up in the middle of the night, I would pretend that we were the only people on the planet and I really enjoyed that time with them. And I was so calm, that neither of them got me up very often! I like to think in the middle of the night, and my snoring husband, makes sure that I am awake to do so! HeHe! Love,

veracious jess

February 23, 2002

There is something truly magical about the night, sometimes. I was raised by nighttime people (a very early dinner at my parents’ house is before 8 PM). Alas, the rythyms of rest of the world require that daylight be a large chunk of my waking hours.

RYN: Yes, there’s anger…and despair, but I didn’t take the time to convey the pleasure I derived from that quote. It’s so deliciously irreverent and yet perfectly appropriate for such a distasteful situation. I found myself chuckling over it all weekend. Do you remember what I said about the short entries? Well, I guess this one falls into the ‘lazy’ category. 🙂

GeekPoet

February 24, 2002

i am totally a night person, but i’ve had to force myself to sleep since i have to get up early for work. but, i would be so happy if i could stay up all night then sleep the morning away adn work afternoon through evening. the night is when i’m the most . . . coherent.

Long ago I promised you this…still not quite finished, but almost…I hope you will visit…

Areopagus

March 1, 2002

You seem so in tune with nature and the world around you. I envy you in unimaginable ways. The simplest of things seem to bring you the greatest of joys. It is you who has the true gift, not those who fall asleep so easily, for they will never know themselves and the world around them with the intimacy that you hold. simply,

I love being up at night. There is something magical about it when I’m home. My most productive times are in the middle of the night. Listening to Art Bell on the radio is one of my night time activities. I worked night shift for over 20 years since I am such a night owl, but changed to day shift a while back and sometimes I have a hard time adjusting to being at work at 6am.

I’m usually a bit of a “night owl”, but you’d never guess that from my recent schedule. I can’t seem to stay up that late, even when I want to. Falling asleep usually isn’t a problem for me. Staying asleep is. I tend to wake up in the middle of the night. Sorry I missed you on IM.