Recurring themes

I was thinking back over my last diary entry here at OD, and got to pondering the deeper significance of keeping a journal, especially one that others can read, and which is written as much for others as for myself. The aims are not mutually exclusive.

It occurs to me that there are certain themes that I come back to again and again, with minor, but significant variations. I am going to try to articulate them here, but it will be somewhat difficult because in my mind I am going to be going back through three and a half years of online journal entries, in two different journals: OD, of couurse, and another one that is a year older than OD.

It has been a transformative journey, these past few years of writing online, and as Dan Price says, what I have written truly is an outpouring of my innermost feelings, incomplete in their expression, but working toward some fuller embodiment of who I am, or at least who I am willing to let others know I am.

Isn’t that what we do this for? To connect with others? So, an online journal or diary is very, very different from one that we keep on paper, locked away and kept at a distance from anyone who might conceivably find it or read it. It must be that way.

And yet, as I was telling someone the other day, what I write here is, for the most part, what I would probably have written in some notebook in my handwriting. There will always be gaps. I am unwilling to reveal but so much. I am not sure how much more personal and revealing I can make my online writing without compromising my privacy. But I have made the effort to write, and, tellingly, those recurring themes I mentioned earlier would likely have appeared in any form of journal writing I chose.

The previous OD entry tells me that I guard zealously documents, papers, photos, mememtoes, and writing from my past, and that includes far back in my past, to high school and even grade school. I could not bear to think of parting with some of those papers that I quoted from the other day. There are many others things like that. Boxes of them. Some people will say they are too busy living in the present to hold onto things from the past, but I always contend that it is those writings, those treasures from our past that reveal what we value most, what we realize have been essential to our personal development. They comprise own personal histories. I like putting it that way. “Personal history.”

Secondly, I write often about the power of “place” in my life, both the special place I now call home, as well as many of the other places where I have lived, even if just briefly, and also the many places that I have encountered on trips around the country by car so long ago now. For years, I was searching for home, some spot on the map where my imagined happiness could be found. In constantly searching, I did not find it, but in at last ceasing my endless wandering, I found it. I discovered that the home I was seeking was, in actuality, always there waiting for me. I just didn’t realize it until circumstance and necessity, as well as desire, led me to Charleston. Living here in this old city, home to some of my ancestors, I am able to write often in my diary about the city and nearby Folly Beach because I know that I am not leaving any time soon, and both places have become inextricably a part of my life.

Thirdly, I write about the great joy of my life which is my connection to Nature, to the natural world. I write about the special parks and preserves where I find a deep sense of peace and belonging. I take special pleasure in describing my visits to the ocean, my observations of the salt marshes and section of beach where I read and think, and look at the clouds on the horizon so many afternoons and evenings during each year. I write often about the seasons because I am constantly aware of the changing cycles of life through the passing of each season. I have my favorite times of the year, but I am equally at home in all the seasons.

Finally, I write about all that interests me and which I wish to share with others. My mind sweeps across many disciplines of knowledge and I have a curiosity about so many branches of learning. That is why I am glad I studied the liberal arts in college and chose for my first career journalism. It enabled me to explore writing and photography on a daily basis and do it for a living. It satisfied my curiosity to interview and get to know about the accomplishments of people across all walks of life. I did that for years. Now, in my journals, I can continue writing about things that interest me just as I did years ago in my newspaper columns.

Life is a great adventure, and the older I get, the more mysterious and beautiful it seems. And this is also because so much of it begins to make sense. Trying to convey in writing what I have learned and experienced is what I am privileged to be able to do here at Open Diary.

And thank you for writing your words.

Very beautiful entry!I think what we write on OD never will look like our diary on paper, simply, because, on OD we are read, it is all the difference. You are a contemplative and I admire your sensitive approach of the nature…Really, you are very talented…

Dear friend, I’m so glad you are writing here. It’s always a pleasure to read your entries, and every time I see your name in bold I know I will have an interesting read. Wishing you a pleasant sunday.. maybe you are heading for Folly Beach..?

Personal histories. I really like that phrase. I always kept things like that as documentation, to see the evolution of how I got from there to here.

Looking up

December 9, 2001

Enriching as always. A happy habit I’ve aquired,reading you.

thank you for writing them..the are an inspiration and encouragement for all of us…

I read this entry, and re-read it. Then as usual, printed it. Why print it?? Good question! Strange persons do strange things 🙂 Everything sounds so,what should I say?…familiar! I enjoy reading this entry! Simply said, I don’t know what to say here, and I typed 98 characters, just saying nothing! Thanks for the beautiful words!

Once again a very thought provoking entry. My online journal is about the same as what I used to write in my journal books, but I find I go into much more detail and can spend more time on entries. Looking back at history, the everyday mundane life is so much more interesting than the big battles, and what the “big shots” did. It is so easier to relate to.

itsbreeze

December 10, 2001

I revealed very little about my personal life here until I left my marriage. I am finding that being able to be open here has helped in my healing.

Because I really do not have a physical home right now. (I just don’t feel I am “home” yet…my belongings are scattered among several houses), I have decided to make “home” the new experiences I am having. I feel a sense of longing and loss, but yet at the same time I realized how things have not made me happy. Home is the sky I jump in, Home is the water I sail on, home are the woods [itsbreeze]

I walk in, home is the courts I play ball on, home are the new places I visit, the new people I meet. Home is becoming more a state than a place.

And you see, Oswego, we will follow you down your paths and read your words. I don’t reveal as much as I used to in my diary here, so I won’t call you out for doing the same. I’m just happy to share in what you *do* write 🙂

My paper journal is who I am. My online journal is only a part of me. I am unwilling to give all of me to anyone or anything…and so there are times when my “open” life entry is trivial. But the paper…it is my friend. It is the only thing I trust to hold my deepest, blackest thoughts and always be there for me.

I am glad that you choose to write here. I enjoy your writing as much or more than any book I can purchase. Your eloquence is outstandingly baeutiful. I agree with you; even a paper journal is restricted to some degree. Perhaps it is what we don’t even want ourselves to know that we omit.

Your entries are beautiful, thought-provoking, distinctive and rich. The bonus is, you’re writing exactly what you want to write.

It’s obvious that what interests you also interests others. You touch a lot of people with your writing.

An exquisite entry, Oswego!! Analyzation of why we write is often a deep perspective. As poetry is such a personal and deep part of my writing to me, then I do my diary here in poetry but like you I maintain my treasured privacy as well. My OD diary has been one of the very best things I have ever written and certainly one of my most beloved!! Thank you for the beautiful notes!

How affirming it is to read your online journal pages, especially at a time when I am reading some negative judgements of this OD made at the new OD. Your themes ring clearly & beautifully, my sense is that you have a very strong focus and integration of who you are. A wholeness, if you will. The gift of having found your talents & the ability to be able to use them fully in a contemplative life.

I mostly find OD an outlet for writing that otherwise wouldn’t get written. It is true I often write for the entries to be read, but I would be writing significantly less if I weren’t posting here. With a recent exception, I usually keep OD from being too private, but I stopped a private journal years ago anyhow

I wonder if you chose journalism as your first career or did it choose you? *smile* You have the “heart” of a journalist ~ eager to learn about new things, interested in the “rest of the story” as Paul Harvey would say, & an appreciation for people from all walks of life~ I truly feel quite privileged to be able to read your entries, dear friend. Thank you for being you~ *smile* [~

“Somewhere over the rainbow….” 😉 I couldn’t say it better than AzureBloom up there has~ she makes you sound like something delicious to drink, almost…to drink in your words! I’ve explored the nature of revelation in my OD, & have variously opened up & then clammed up. Sometimes I pay the price. But as much as I love notes, my journal is for me & my hurting hands to keep track of my days..

Thank you for sharing your writing here. I don’t think I’d write nearly as much in a paper journal as I do here.