not sure.

man, I dont know what is wrong with me. I am sitting here aching for that feeling that you get when you’ve been waiting for so long to talk to someone, and it is so amazing and it feels so good.

I want that "person" back in my life. I dont know who it is, I mean maybe I do. But even if I had them back in my life, even just to talk….I dont think it would be the same.

I feel so…unfulfilled. Im not sure why. Its like, something in my life is lacking and I just cant figure it out.

I feel so empty.

I shouldnt feel empty though, I have so much. I have a lot more than other people have. I have a house (which Im not even living in right now) I have a husband that loves me and cares about me, and I have a baby….growing inside of me.

I used to feel so different. I used to be so depressed. Its like, unless I feel like that, unless I am feeling like crap all the time, then I am not right.

How sad is that? I feel like I need that feeling to feel anything. How frustrating. In a way I felt great when I used to be so depressed and I used to do other things to myself. How can that be?

why is it so hard to get a friendship back that used to be so great? Im so frustrated, I cant even say what I am feeing. I feel so lost and out of control of my feelings.

I want to be able to write like I used to, I want to have that passion back. Maybe that part of my life is over…

Dont get me wrong, I am happy with what I have right now. I just…Im not sure really.

On a happy note, my baby moves around a now and I can feel it most of the time….I dont feel it every single day, and some days I feel it more than others. It is really exciting. I wish my husband were here to feel it. Its so sad that he will miss the whole fun part of the pregnancy.