birthdays are sad.

I have had a bad day.
It wouldnt have bothered me so much if it weren’t my birthday. I hate birthday…everything bad happens in this one birthday this year.
The worst thing is that I lose my insurance. I have been looking into lots of other insurances but I can NOT afford any of them. Its hard. I don’t know what to do. I guess I will need to get another job. *shrugs* I dunno.
The thing that made me the saddest today…I guess…is that Jay has been out of town since sometime last week working. And he was suppose to make it home for my birtday. But unfortunately it didn’t happen. I just feel so lonely..
My sister is out of town with my nephew as well, her being here could have made it a little better. I took off half the day at work to be able to do something, and I ended up doing nothing. cause my mom worked last night and sleeps during the day. *sighh*
I did get to meet my friend/co-worker at T.G.I.Fridays for a drink though, once she got off work… but I ended up forgeting my purse at my moms house and had to call my brother and beg him to bring it to me.
I went to my moms after that to go get my birthday present. My mom wants to get me a toaster oven cause Ive wanted one for so long…but when we got to target they were sold out of the one on sale and the one I wanted…and all the other ones were gay, I thought then she’d take me to Walmart but she didnt 🙁
My one friend/co-worker bought me a nice gift though. She bought me Clinique Happy, I love that perfume its so good. And its exphensive, she shouldnt have cause she doesn’t have money, and she has a baby. so I felt bad for saying I wish I had that…I dunno.
She also wanted to go out to dinner, but I didnt want to cause her daughter is in my classroom at work, and I just didnt want to be with her anymore. I know thats bad of me, but I dunno.
So I decided to just go home and clean but when I got to my apartment building all the power was out, and even the stairway didnt have lights. So I ended up have to go over to my friends house with the baby anyway.
I dont know, now Im back home, the power is back on. But I just feel so damn lonely and helpless. Everything is so sad. I jsut dont feel like being alive today. Im done with today.